The Devil in Miss Tendo
by avis de rapina
Summary: Kasumi has a new job. An old sempai has asked her to be the seiyu for the lead in an anime adaptation of a classic American movie. Nabiki has recruited Ranma, et al. to help. The thing is… it's an adaptation of a classic poruno movie. Chapter 4, Part 1 up.
1. Chapter 1, Parts 1 & 2

**The Devil in Miss Tendo**

A Ranma 1/2 fanfic

by avis de rapina

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**Teaser:** Kasumi has a new job. That's good because they need the money to rebuild the dojo. Only Kasumi won't take it unless Ranma and company join her. That's bad because they REALLY need the money. So they do. That's good too... isn't it?

**--oO0Oo--**

**Chapter 1:**

"Speech"

_Thoughts_

'Titles / Quotes in speech or thoughts'

EMPHASIS

**Sound effects**

_(Script Directions)_

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**Disclaimer en quatrain:**

_Takahashi Rumiko, mangaka divine!_

_The rights to Ranma Nibunnoichi art thine._

_If I had implied that I own them, I'm sorry..._

_I just meant to borrow them for this one story!_

(Did you really expect iambic pentameter?)

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**Summary:** This story developed from a crackfic idea I posted on Hawk's forum. Basically it takes part of the plot of an old movie and places the Ranma cast right in it. Obviously, everyone is going to be way OOC. We begin one week after the wedding attempt in volume 38 of the manga. Soun's 'little talk' post-wedding never took place; and it's summer break in early August 2006.

-----

**Part I:**

A week following the 'wedding fiasco', Nabiki called in all the involved parties to a conference at the Tendo Do-- er, residence. All the parties, that is, with the exception of the Kunos and Ryoga.

_The situation is bad enough_, she thought, _that there is no need to tempt fate with the presence of the ward's greatest resident lunatics and visiting berserker. If this works, all of our problems will be solved._

She had the angles on controlling her family's reactions to her plans. Ranma might be a problem, but she had the means to get both Genma and Nodoka on her side.

She had no illusions about her ability to face down the Kuonji girl. She only hoped that Ukyo's desperation to get back into Ranma's good graces would keep the chef in check long enough for her to get out of the line of fire.

The Amazons were also dangerous. Thankfully, she was able to get Cologne's tacit agreement to her plans; not to mention her promise to keep the two younger Amazons under control. Her asking price had been well within her means. _In fact,_ she mused, _Cologne's active participation could actually significantly cut-down on our overhead. I might see a profit sooner than expected._

Her musings were interrupted as Ranma sat across the table from her and asked, "So, Nabiki, we're all here. What did you want to say to us?"

"Not quite, Ranma-baby. We're waiting on six more people."

"Six more people?! If you invited those home-wreckers here again after what happened last week..."

"What happened last week is exactly why I invited them over, Akane," Nabiki interjected. "And let's not forget the damage you did yourself."

"..." Akane's retort was stilled as Kasumi gently placed her hand on her shoulder.

"Feh!" Ranma snorted. "I don't think I'm ready to forgive those idiots."

"Ranma," Nodoka chided, "it is not fair to reject Nabiki-chan's ideas without giving them a hearing."

His reply was stilled as the doorbell rang.

Kasumi stood to answer it. She returned shortly followed by Ukyo and Konatsu. Who were in turn followed by Shampoo, Mousse and Cologne.

The girls' expressions mirrored both shame and despair. Ranma's treatment of them and his response to their attempts at apology over the past week could have put the Reversal Jewel to shame. Their glances in his direction were coldly returned with an accompanying grunt.

Konatsu gave a sheepish bow of apology to the Tendos and Saotomes; whereas Mousse directed a defiant glare at the television. Cologne bowed politely to the parents and Nabiki, then directed a wild grin at Ranma and Akane.

Said grin unnerved Akane enough that she turned to Nabiki to ask...

Only to be anticipated as Nabiki murmured, "...and one to go."

"One to go, Nabiki? I would have thought that both Kuno-sempai and Kodachi would be coming."

"I would have expected Ryoga, but knowing him he's probably in Paris looking for the Tokyo Tower," Ranma muttered quietly. **WHAP! SPLASH!** "Ite..." Apparently not quietly enough.

_Nothing but pond_, Akane smirked. "Anyway, Nabiki," she said as she turned back to the room, "just who else are we waiting for?"

"Sweeto!"

"Oh, hell. No!"

_Showtime!_ Nabiki smirked.

-----

Imagine a scene of utter chaos, mayhem, rooftop chases, martial prowess, random malletings, ye ancient magicks, desperate groveling. Got it? Good! Then write it into your own fic. The scene we return to, while tense, had none of the above.

"Dread Master!"

Well... maybe some groveling was to be seen. But surprisingly none of the utter chaos, mayhem, rooftop chases, martial prowess, random malletings nor ye ancient magicks we have come to expect. What was wrong with this picture?

-----

Happosai bowed politely to the assembly then took the seat so recently vacated by Ranma. He gratefully accepted some tea from Kasumi as he greeted Nabiki, "So sorry, I hope that I did not keep you waiting."

As the martial artists, with the exception of Cologne, recovered from a painful facefault; Nabiki answered, "Not at all, Grandfather Happosai, we were only about to start."

Happosai nodded and replied, "Then perhaps we can wait for Ranma to change back and dress in drier clothes before we start? I am sure that he would not want to miss any of this."

Another facefault followed. Ranma gazed into the sky. He was sure that Ryoga would be flying-by in a moment.

-----

"Basically," Nabiki stated as the meeting finally started, "the events of last week were more than our insurers could stomach. They have effectively refused our claim for the damages to the dojo."

She overrode the ensuing arguments. "It does not matter who started it. Everyone here is at fault. We all share some part of the blame!"

"You honestly can't blame me for…" "You certainly do share…" Akane and Ranma exclaimed simultaneously.

"Yes, she can, Akane," Kasumi softly answered. "Your past history of striking Ranma-kun and the resulting property damage is well-known."

She turned and bowed. "And don't be too angry at Nabiki, Ranma-ku… Ranma-san. The outcome of the wedding was not entirely her fault. It was also some of mine."

"And some of mine as well, my son," Nodoka added. "We both insisted that Nabiki invite all of your friends. Their actions are partly our responsibility."

Akane and Ranma remained standing in slack-jawed surprise, then fell back into their seats with an audible thump.

"Ano…" Ukyo uttered, "not so, Auntie. I did not have to become so violent… I did not have to endanger anyone… I-- I did not have to lose my friend." She turned and cried into Konatsu's kimono.

"Gomen, Ranma-sama. I should have known better than to help her make those special modern celebratory gunpowder okonomiyaki," the kunoichi offered.

"Umm. You didn't mean to do anything wrong, Konatsu," Ranma replied.

"And you did not lose me as a friend, Uky-- Ucchan. I'm plenty mad and very disappointed, but I don't hate you. You have some serious making-up to do, but I'd still like to have my first-ever friend back."

"Ai-- Ranma," Shampoo whispered, "I too very sorry. I hope you also no hate Shampoo forever."

"Shampoo," Ranma said clearly, "that will be entirely up to you. I don't love you the way you want me to. But I don't hate you neither. Not really. Your curse form's mebbe something I can't help but avoid, and your laws are not what I'd like to live under. But I'd still like to have you as a friend. If you can accept that and promise not to hurt or try and kill my friends, then mebbe we can be friends again."

Shampoo smiled faintly. "Is small chance, but Shampoo take it. Shampoo promise no hurt Ranma friends. Shampoo owe Ranma for saving from Maomolin and Kiima."

The glare on Mousse's face softened. "Perhaps I might have misjudged you, Saotome. Despite my own feelings for Shampoo, seeing her in misery for this past week has been painful for me. I still do not believe that you are the man for her. But after seeing you give her some hope for happiness I cannot continue to hold you at fault. I too apologize for my part in last week."

"Apologies accepted…" Ranma said with a glance at a fuming Akane," but only if you all make them to Akane. It was her wedding after all."

Akane practically glowed as she graciously accepted Kasumi, Nodoka, Ukyo, Konatsu, Shampoo and Mousse's apologies. Sometimes, just sometimes, Ranma says the right thing.

"Kami knows when or if she'll ever have one again." **WHAP! SPLASH!** "Ite..." And sometimes, more often than not, he doesn't.

-----

"So, Nabiki," Akane said as Ranma retired to change once again, "What do we do now, and why aren't the Kunos here? I would have thought you'd go after them for the money to rebuild the dojo."

"Kuno-baby and his little sister aren't here because they are presently engaged in explaining certain pictures to the Tokyo Metropolitan Police. And don't worry; I have plans to get them to shoulder their shares of the rebuilding cost." An evil grin appeared on Nabiki's face.

"What pictures would those be, Nabiki?" Ranma asked with a suspicious scowl as he reentered the room.

"Why these pictures, Ranma-baby," she cooed as she passed over some Polaroids. The first set showed Tatewaki attacking an unarmed, bleeding male-Ranma with a drawn katana. The next set showed Kodachi using her ribbon on a female-Ranma. And the last set were close-ups of the ribbon showing the metal edges… the bloody, serrated metal edges.

"Where did you… never mind. Are you crazy? Kuno's gotta know you took these pictures!"

"Ranma, Ranma, Ranma. Didn't you notice little old moi in some of those pictures? I can honestly tell Kuno-baby that neither I nor any of us took those pictures." The evil grin returned. "I asked Sasuke to take them." Nabiki buffed her fingernails on her blouse. "Apparently, he's rather underfed at the chateau Kuno. The Kunos' little vacation at the courtesy of the TMPD will give him a few more days to eat to his heart's content without worrying about Kodachi's poisons."

Turning back to the subject at hand, Nabiki adopted a serious tone. "Now that is not all. I have also been helping Auntie Nodoka with financing the repairs to her house. She had to miss a few insurance payments because it would appear that someone," she glanced at the fathers, "had been making rather large bar tabs in her name."

**(Krack!)** Ranma tensed his knuckles as he regarded his father.

"FORTUNATELY," Nabiki added, "nobody came forward to reclaim their 'wedding gifts.' There is almost enough to cover the balance of the repairs to Auntie's house."

She turned to Akane before she could protest. "You have to admit, Akane. The damage that you, Shampoo, Ukyo and Kodachi did to Auntie's house was too much, even by your standards. And all over a ring that did not even exist!"

"But surely Kodachi's responsible for some o' that. Can'tya get her to pay-up?" Ranma asked.

Nabiki turned a smoky gaze in Ranma's direction. "There are only two ways for YOU to get any of that kind of money from the Kunos, Ranma-baby. You can marry one of them…"

  
_Not happening!_ Ranma, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo, Soun, and Cologne thought.

_Interesting,_ Genma and Mousse thought.

"Or you can sign these police complaints," Nabiki continued as she waved some papers at Ranma, "and have Saotome Ranma and Tendo Ranko charge and sue Kuno Tatewaki and Kuno Kodachi respectively for damages incurred last week."

Ranma reached for the papers.

"Of course," Nabiki mused, "there is the matter of the filing fees, and the attorneys' fees; that is IF you can find one willing to take on the Kuno. Oh, did I mention that the case would likely take at least two years to move through the courts?"

Ranma sighed as he dropped his hand. "So now what do we do?"

The evil grin (TM) made a reappearance. "I'm sooo glad you asked."

-----

"As you know, Father's last students graduated a few months before Ranma and Uncle arrived. Since he stopped teaching we have been getting-by on our savings, father's stipend from the ward council and the occasional dojo rental."

"Ever since the Saotomes' arrival, we have had a significant increase in our food," Ranma blushed, "and repair bills," he was joined by the other junior martial artists.

"Ranma, Akane and I have come to certain... arrangements," she winced in memory, "regarding photos that I take and then sell at Furinkan. We share the proceeds to take the place of allowances that we are SUPPOSED to get from our parents." Three icy glares were directed at the fathers.

_I still think she's cooking the books_, Ranma fumed. _There's no way an agent gets fifty percent of the price of a picture._

"Husband," Nodoka ground-out while grasping her katana's hilt, "we will have to have another TALK about fiscal responsibility."

_Mommy!_ Genma whimpered.

Nabiki continued her spiel, "However, this has been insufficient. Recent expenses, namely damage to the neighborhood, have forced me to tap into our college funds. I'm afraid that even if I emptied those funds we wouldn't have enough to meet those expenses, finish the repairs to Auntie's house AND rebuild the dojo."

"Are you sure there's nothing else that we can do, Nabiki? Maybe take-out a loan or…"

"I'm sorry, but that's not an option, Akane. While the interest rates are not too high, with Father's stipend as our only regular income, we wouldn't be able to pay off any loan or mortgage and still have enough for food, utilities, school, and taxes, not to mention emergencies, repairs and the new insurance rates."

"Feh! Pops and I learned our Art on the road. We can do without the dojo or wait a while and rebuild it later…"

"Absolutely not!" roared Happosai as he entered the discussion for the first time. "The Musabetsu Kakuto Ryuu must grow. There are only four practitioners in this generation, two in Kanto and two in Kansai. The itinerant lifestyle may allow a martial artist to grow in the Art, but it will not let the Art itself grow among the martial artists. There must be a home for the itinerant artist to return to in order to share what he has learned with his fellow practitioners of the School. There must be a base where new students can come to learn the School. THERE- MUST- BE- A- DOJO!"

Nabiki hid a smirk as Happosai remembered one of his lines. "There is also a matter of time constraint, Ranma-baby. Since the dojo's original construction, this area has been rezoned twice. If we do not rebuild the dojo within the next four months we will never get permission to rebuild it."

"I-- I can help," Ukyo offered. "I did a lot of the damage with my bombs; I should be allowed to make up the difference…"

Nabiki shook her head. "You WILL help, but not in the way you suggest. I have spoken with your landlord, and I know what sort of operating expenses the Ucchan's has. You almost defaulted on your bank loan during that crepes incident. And your college fund is one thing that I will NOT have you touch." _One Kasumi on my conscience is more than enough!_

"And, oh, Shampoo? I've already spoken with Cologne. She has agreed to make some financial reimbursement," _Mostly for all the new 'doors' you used to make._ "But since your council has ordered that most of the money the Nekohanten makes go into buying technological gadgets and training manuals for your village, you will have to remunerate us in a manner similar to Kuonji-san."

"What Sneaky-girl mean?"

"I mean that you will have to 'help' out in the same way that Ukyo will."

"Oh, that OK then. Why you no say so before?

-----

"So what is this 'way' that will help to rebuild the dojo then?"

Nabiki's evil grin returned yet again. "You, Ranma; and you, Akane; in fact all of you," she pointed to the remaining four junior martial artists, "are going to help Kasumi in her new job."

"You have a new job, onee-chan?" "That's wonderful! What is it Kasumi-chan? I hope you meet a nice manly young man soon." _Huh? Does that mean Akane's gonna do the cooking?_

Kasumi blushed at suddenly becoming the center of attention. "Oh, my! It's nothing, really."

"Don't be so modest, sis," Nabiki drawled. "She was just asked to be the seiyu for the lead in a new anime movie."

"Really?!" Akane and Ukyo squealed in stereo.

"Yes, really," Nabiki continued. "An old sempai of hers called while you were in China. Kimiko-san's producing a new series of anime adaptations of classic American movies and remembered Kasumi. She said Kasumi sounded almost like Inoue Kikuko. You know, the seiyu in that 'Ah! Megami-sama' anime? Apparently there was a lot of interest in getting someone who sounded like the Belldandy character."

"Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh! You'reright! Whydidn'tInoticeitbefore?" Konatsu joined in for a 2.1 channel system effect.

"Apparently, they were still looking for fresh voices to fill-out the rest of the cast. I called Kimiko-san two days ago. She agreed to give you an audition. That is, if you're interested."

"Areyoukidding? Ofcoursewe'reinterested!" Ranma, Shampoo and Mousse, finally realizing they were being asked to join the gods of anime, completed the 5.1 system.

"Actually, it's a sure thing as onee-chan refuses to do this with anyone but you guys." Nabiki nodded at Cologne, Happosai and Nodoka. "In fact there's even enough roles for the three of you too. If this first movie goes well and you are signed-up for the rest, there should be enough money in this to fix Auntie's house, rebuild the dojo, and put all of us through college, with nice little nest eggs for everyone besides."

"Really? That'sgreat! Ourtroublesareover!" Dolby dts.

"What movie are they adapting into anime, Nabiki?" Soun asked. He was unsure of this sudden good fortune. "Maybe we've heard of it?" He was right to be.

Nabiki pulled out a script and studied it. "It's called 'The Devil in Miss Jones'," she said casually as she handed the script over to Soun.

Genma grabbed the script and skimmed it. He seemed to freeze-up.

"Ah!" says Soun, slightly miffed at Genma's antics. "The Jean Arthur and Charles Coburn movie. Your grandfather took me to see that back in…"

"No, no, no," Nabiki drawled as Genma started to shake. "Not 'The Devil and Miss Jones'. I said 'The Devil IN Miss Jones'."

"Eh?" Soun was distracted as a trembling Genma started to stutter.

"Th-- this-- this movie is-- is a-- a--"

"A poruno movie," Kasumi stated calmly.

"…"

"NANI!!!" THX.

**End Part I.**

**--oO0Oo--**

**Author's Note**: This was the end of the chapter as originally posted. I will try to keep this format from now on – a two-part chapter with a scene-break in the middle.

**Original Author's Notes:** Long setup for a crackfic. I know. But I wanted to keep everyone as in character as I can before the next chapter. I also wanted to make a logical premise for everyone to agree to go along with Nabiki's plan.

As an additional disclaimer, I'd like to note that both 'The Devil and Miss Jones' and 'The Devil in Miss Jones' are actual movies that belong to their respective owners. I haven't even watched either film, just read about them on wikipedia and IMDb. Inoue Kikuko, for those not in the know, is the very real and very talented seiyu who voiced both Tendo Kasumi and Belldandy among others. If all you've watched of either 'Ranma Nibunnoichi' or 'Ah! Megami-sama' was the English dubbed anime, then you've missed out on a great singing voice.

It goes without saying that neither she, either of the two above mentioned anime nor their manga belong to me. But, man... if only they did!

**--oO0Oo--**

**Summary:** Kasumi has a new job. An old sempai has asked her to be the seiyu for the lead in an anime adaptation of a classic American movie. Nabiki has recruited Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, Konatsu, the Amazons, Nodoka and Happosai to help. The thing is… it's an adaptation of a classic porn movie. That's right. This story is based on the plot of an old porn movie.

-----

**Part II:**

"I said, it is a poruno movie," Kasumi said yet again.

"…"

Nabiki sipped her tea and waited for the inevitable reaction…

"I FORBID IT!" "SAOTOME! You enemy of…"

…then signaled her accomplices.

The two old ghou-- er, DISTINGUISHED senior martial artists blurred into action.

**Zip! Bop! Clink!**

And resumed their seats within seconds.

-----

Genma was crouched halfway to his feet. An angry expression on his face. Soun was similarly posed with a half-formed Demon Head slowly dissipating above him. They remained immobile. The cantilevering looked very uncomfortable.

Mousse was on the floor, hog-tied and gagged with one of his chains.

Shampoo and Ukyo, hesitant to further estrange Ranma, had kept their calm. Instead they had goofy grins on their faces and were softly muttering, "I'm gonna be in a poruno movie with Airen/Ranchan!" over and over.

Said boy sat with a glazed expression. He was starting to rock back and forth and whisper, "I'm gonna be in a poruno movie with Kasumi? That can't be right, can it? But she said it herself… twice! I'm gonna be in a poruno movie with Kasumi!" Cue nose bleed. "I'm gonna be in a poruno movie with Kasumi! ...with Shampoo! …and with Ucchan!" Increase flow rate. "I'm gonna be in a poruno movie with Kasumi, Shampoo and Ucchan! ...and Akane! Shit! I'm dead!" Close the valves. Increase rocking speed. "I'm dead!"

-----

The Akane-DOS ver 4.0 was unfortunately based on the buggiest product Microsoft unleashed bar Windows 1.0. While she could comprehend Ranma volunteering to work in a poruno movie with Shampoo and Ukyo (it was the default setting after all); she couldn't understand why she herself agreed to join them. _Happosai has to be behind this_, she fumed. _He must have some deal with Nabiki. That's why he didn't molest Ranma-chan. Ranma's also in on it. He's almost as perverted as Happosai; he must get it from Auntie. But why is Cologne going along with this? Wait! Nabiki wouldn't really do this to me, would she? I know Kasumi wouldn't… She said it twice! But she couldn't have. Sh-- She's Kasumi!_

At this point the stack overflowed with divide by zero errors generating countless general protection faults. Her eyes closed in a system reset as the sysadmins made a hurried OS upgrade before the next reboot. Unfortunately for Akane, they once again ignored Lindows and installed Windows M_e_.

-----

Nabiki stepped back from Akane as she woke and gazed around the room with a glazed expression. She mouthed 'Good work' to Cologne and Happosai as she returned to her seat and accepted more tea from a confused Konatsu.

She raised an eyebrow at Cologne as Ranma's rocking caused him to faceplant into his tea, repeatedly. Cologne leaned over and used her staff to poke him between the eyes. He looked up and shook off his fugue.

Nabiki then quietly asked Happosai, "Can they hear us?" as she gestured to the fathers.

"Yes," he replied in a similar tone. "But they can neither move nor speak for the next few hours. But if you would like…"

"No, no. This would be fine."

"What about them?" Cologne whispered with a look towards Shampoo and Ukyo.

"Leave them as they are," Nabiki whispered back. "They're nearly in the right frame of mind."

"Urk!" Mousse gurgled into his gag.

"Ah! I almost forgot," Nabiki mused. She then retrieved the script, turned to a particular scene, placed it before Mousse and straightened his glasses before returning to her seat.

-----

_Fornicate all dogs! This is more of that blasted Saotome's fault. The mummy will do anything to get Ranma's children by my beloved Shampoo. Once I get free of these chains I'll… What's this?_

**_The Devil in Miss Jones – The Anime_**

**_Act 8, Scene 4_**

**_Mousse:_**

_"Imma a chargin' mah lazer!"_

**_---_**

**_Shampoo:_**

_(Grabs Mousse by the neck and pulls his face between her legs.)_

_"Ohh, yes! Shoop da whoop!"_

**_---_**

Mousse's glasses fogged as his struggles ceased. _I get to have sex with Shampoo? Yes! Yes! Yes! I get to have sex with Shampoo!_

-----

Nabiki smirked as she nodded to Kasumi. _I knew that duck-dildo scene would come in handy._

Kasumi turned towards the fathers and frowned. "Father, Uncle Genma! Honestly! What kind of girl do you think I am? Nabiki said that I was asked to be the SEIYU. I'm NOT going to be a porn actress. This is an anime, A-NI-ME!"

"Whatever could you have been thinking?" Nabiki asked them. "All a seiyu needs to do is grunt, moan and read a little dialogue in a recording studio."

The fathers' angry expressions were replaced with chagrin. This was Kasumi they were talking about. Kasumi! What could they have possibly been thinking?

_What could I have been thinking?_ Akane asked herself. _This is Kasumi!_ "Ano, onee-chan. Isn't that still perverted? Isn't there some other way? Couldn't we just get a job doing some other work?" she pleaded with her elder sisters.

Kasumi smiled gently at her. "It's just words, Akane-chan. And nobody we know need know what kind of work this is."

Nabiki added, a touch of tenderness in her normally wry voice, "Besides, in this economy there is no other work available that would pay as much to somebody as inexperienced as ourselves. The restaurants already demand too much of their time," she pointed to Ukyo, Konatsu and the Amazons. "We have no dojo to attract students. And let's face it - Daddy is in no shape to teach, Ranma is too young to teach, and no dojo worth its scrolls will let Genma inside it."

Ranma added uncertainly, "While I may be young I'm still pretty good. There must be somebody willing to learn…" He trailed off as Nabiki shook her head.

"That kind of demand is too small, Ranm-kun. It would be like getting Ryoga to pay you to teach him how to beat you."

"Well then, there's the pit fights. I could enter them and…"

"Not a good suggestion, Saotome. The yakuza have that too tightly cornered. If you were on the road it might work, but your association with us here is too well-known to the local gangs. They would just get back at us."

"Feh! I could take care of them."

"I know," Nabiki directed a surprisingly gentle smile at him. "But they are too numerous and they would never forget. You couldn't be everywhere to protect all of us all the time."

"Mother?" he turned to Nodoka, "isn't there anything else we could do? Mebbe sell the house or something?"

Nodoka was pulled out of the daydream she had about her manly son's future film career. "What was the question, dear?" Her manic expression slowly turned thoughtful. "I'm afraid not," she said with a small sigh. "Not only is it my grandmother's old house, but your little fight depressed property prices in the neighborhood."

Ranma looked desperate, "Well if there really is no other way…" He cringed and looked to his left, "Akane?"

She looked once more to Kasumi.

"Imouto-chan, this is my first and probably my last chance to finally get a life outside of this house. The only way that I will do this is if it is with people that I love and trust. Please give me my chance."

Akane turned to Ranma, nodded. Together they looked up and said "I agree."

Kasumi and Nabiki looked at each other and nodded as well. _Hook,_ they thought.

**End Chapter 1.**

-----

**Author's Notes:** I think that I have patched any loopholes in Nabiki's plans… rather in Nabiki and Kasumi's plans. What's going on? What could the elder Tendo sisters be up to? And why did they bring Happosai and Cologne into it? Why did they not want to disillusion Shampoo and Ukyo? That's for the next chapters.

**--oO0Oo--**

**Deleted Scene Omake 1:**

Later that night, the fathers adjourned to the shogi board.

"Saotome-kun, you couldn't seriously agree to let your wife and son work in a poruno movie."

"It was out of my hands, Tendo. Nodoka's obsession for manliness is dangerous once it is unleashed. When she got over the fact that she could have no more children, she invested all her hopes in Ranma. To her, this is the penultimate proof of his manliness."

"Let me rephrase that Saotome… You couldn't seriously agree to let your wife, your son and MY daughters work in a poruno movie."

"It's not as bad as that, Tendo. You heard Kasumi and Nabiki yourself. All they have to do is speak and moan into some microphones."

"That's not what the Kuonji and Amazon girls think!"

"I'm sure that Nabiki will set them straight. You worry too much, Tendo."

"How can you be so calm about this, Saotome?"

"I had a little talk with Nabiki just before dinner. She mentioned that Kasumi's friend was the most successful producer at Milky Animation Label."

"…"

Genma filled two cups with sake. "They made the 'Bible Black' series."

"Saotome! We're going to be rich!"

Genma raised a cup. "Kampai, Tendo."

-----

**Just-for-the-fun-of-it Omake:**

"It was out of my hands, Tendo. Nodoka's obsession for manliness is insatiable! I had hoped that ten years would be enough for her to mellow out." He shuddered.

Soun raised an eyebrow, "You mean…"

"She's screwing me into an early grave, Tendo! I only hope that some professionals can tag-team her into satisfaction before I succumb. Why else would I leave a cook like her for ten years?!"

_Off-screen:_ "Come along home, husband. We need to practice my lines."

"Hide me, Tendo. For old times' sake, HIDE ME!"

-----

**Just-to-thank-Lord-Raa-for-all-the-work-that-inspired-this-smut Omake:**

"Let me rephrase that Saotome… You couldn't seriously agree to let your wife, your son and MY daughters work in a poruno movie WITH THE MASTER!"

"It's not as bad as that, Tendo. He promised to teach Ranma an unbeatable technique."

"Saotome! Remember the last time you tried to teach him such a technique! What if he…"

"This is nothing like that, Tendo! Nodoka knows of this technique and is eager for the boy to master it."

"…Wha- What technique is that, Saotome?"

"I don't know. The Master refuses to teach it to me. All I know is that it's something French." _Though I can't imagine what penguins have to do with it._

-----

That's it for now. Please review.

**--oO0Oo--**


	2. Chapter 2, Parts 1 & 2

**The Devil in Miss Tendo**

A Ranma 1/2 fanfic

by avis de rapina

**--oO0Oo--**

**Chapter 2:**

"Speech"

_Thoughts_

'Titles / Quotes in speech or thoughts'

EMPHASIS

**Sound effects**

_(Script Directions)_

-----

**Disclaimer haiku:**

_We post fics for free._

_You lawyers claim infringement?_

_…such idiocy!_

(NOW it's 5-7-5. Thanks to BeForU for catching it.)

-----

**Summary:** Well, well, well… Despite all the excitement it looks like everybody is going to let Kasumi work on this poruno movie (Excuse me! This ERO ANIME adaptation of a poruno movie.) What's more, Ranma and company are actually going to work on it too. Honestly! Akane even said he could!

-----

**Previously: **"Imouto-chan, this is my first and probably my last chance to finally get a life outside of this house. The only way that I will do this is if it is with people that I love and trust. Please give me my chance."

Akane turned to Ranma, nodded. Together they looked up and said "I agree."

Kasumi and Nabiki looked at each other and nodded as well. _Hook,_ they thought.

-----

**Part I:**

The auditions went well. Kasumi's sempai, Ten'ou Kimiko, and her partner, Keoh Ronichiro were very impressed with the seiyu applicants. Kimiko was a tall, curvy blonde four or five years Kasumi's senior and dressed in a casual-yet-elegant pantsuit. Ronichiro was a compact but wiry older man with his green hair in a ratty ponytail and dressed in a scruffy yet comfortable-looking sweater and cargo-pants combination. It was apparent that Kimiko was the public face and secret brains while Roniko did the artistic gruntwork and handled the techside of the partnership.

Roles were assigned and contracts were signed. Kasumi was, of course playing the lead. Ranma was placed opposite her in the role of 'The Teacher'. Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo were to play 'Female Lovers 1, 2 and 3'. Cologne got a plum role as 'Ms. Abaca' – the bureaucratic demon (Now there's a redundancy!), while Happosai was assigned as the 'Creepy Fly Guy'. Konatsu, Mousse and Nodoka were given the glamorous roles of 'Miscellaneous Extras'. Nabiki was Kimiko's production assistant and Ronichiro's trainee. (All those years of reading manga and dōjinshi were finally about to pay off.)

-----

The next day's script meeting, though didn't go as smoothly. Once the working scripts and copies of the production schedule were handed out, Ranma's fiancées were quick to complain.

"What's this? Why do I have only two days scheduled for working? And where are the rest of my lines?" _It's bad enough that I don't get to really DO IT with Ranchan, now I don't even get to spend more time with him!_

"Yes, like Spatu-- Ukyo say! Why Shampoo no have more scenes with Ranma? _Great-grandmother promised me. She said if I go along with Sneaky-girl's plans, I get to make baby with Airen. I get to return to Nichezu with honor intact. She said that after first baby come, Airen bound to come to village… even if only to visit. We make more babies then! It no matter if Airen no love Shampoo like I want. **(Sniff) **It even no matter if he marry violent kitchen destroyer. Just so long as Airen love Shampoo …even a little …even once! What happening here?_

"Ladies…" Nabiki called out. "May I remind you that this is ONLY the first movie? …that we have options to work in four more?"

Shampoo and Ukyo blink-blinked.

Nabiki sighed, "While this movie focuses on Kasumi, there is a good chance at a leading role for all of you." _…for all of US,_ she vowed.

The pair brightened and settled back. Goofy grins started to grow on their faces… Nabiki's next words stunted that growth.

"Of course, there IS another reason for the paucity of your lines…"

"What do you mean, Nabiki?"

"I mean, Ukyo, that not only do your roles not require you to do that much work for this movie; your schedules were intended to keep you… away as much as possible."

Shampoo and Ukyo's faces started to cloud over.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that that's true for Akane as well?"

The three now looked at her in confusion.

"What Nabiki means, " Kasumi gently interceded, "is that the three of you will not be given another reason to fight over Ranma-kun."

"B-- but, onee-chan…"

"No 'buts', Akane," Nabiki resumed. "This project is too important for any of the usual craziness that you all get into. Not only do we need to make this project work to pay for the repairs, AS YOU ALL PROMISED; the contracts we signed also make us legally liable if it fails due to any fights."

Ranma, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo, Mousse and Konatsu looked at each other, nodded and bowed their heads to Nabiki.

"Besides," Kasumi added, "you will all be busy at the house and dojo."

"…"

Nabiki snorted in disgust. "Surely you don't expect Kasumi to take care of the house at the same time that she'll be doing most of the work on this movie? You two," she looked to Mousse and Konatsu, "will take turns helping our father and Uncle Saotome clear away the debris from the dojo." _More like making sure that those two actually do any work at all!_ "And you," she directed at Shampoo and Ukyo, "will be helping Akane around the house on alternate days."

"Akane," Kasumi stated, "it is well past time that you improve your kitchen and domestic skills. Auntie Nodoka and Elder Cologne have graciously agreed to teach you their secret recipes and housekeeping techniques."

"Think of it as bridal training, Akane-chan. In fact I'd like to offer that training to all three of you girls."

"Please don't call it that, Auntie!" Akane said with a blush. "Although, I've always dreamt of making a perfect meal…"

"Huh! If you make a perfect meal it wouldn't be a dream… it would be a miracle!" **Whap!** "Ite…"

"That's another thing that we will have to address, Ranma-kun"

"Umm. Whatcha mean, Kasumi?"

"She means we're going to have to correct your conversational and social skills, Saotome. It would be of little use to go through all this in order to fix the dojo; only to have your mouth start another fight that would destroy it all over again."

"Hey! It wasn't my…"

"Can you honestly say that, Ranma-kun? Can you honestly say that your words or your attitude didn't justify this last attack of Akane's on you?"

"Mebbe… but she didn't hafta mallet me for that!"

**(Sigh)** "You're right, Ranma. That's why while Nabiki and I will work on your bad habits; Father, Uncle Genma and Grandfather Happosai will be training Akane in the Art to help her control her temper."

Akane expression brightened at this. "You mean…"

"She means that you'll learn to fight like a true heir of the Musabetsu Kakuto Ryuu," Happosai said.

Akane glowed.

"Which means you'll learn to use skill instead of brute force… in attacking the RIGHT target. Or ELSE…"

"Or-- Or else what?"

"Or else I'll use the Strength-sapping Moxibustion to lock-away your power."

Akane paled.

"It will be for your own good, Akane." Nabiki stated. "The hits that you give Ranma or Kuno would hospitalize or even kill an ordinary person. The fact that the Hentai Horde used to attack you first is the only reason the school hasn't suspended you yet."

"…"

"I'd also like to extend this offer to train you two girls as well," Happosai said.

"W-- What!" "How could you…" "What old pervert mean…" "You're not gonna/going to get your perverted hands on my girls/Shampoo/Ukyo-sama!"

"…"

"They're cute when they get all jealous and protective, aren't they?" Happosai observed. "Don't worry, Cologne-chan will be there with me."

"Old freak, why are you doing this?"

"You mean aside from the fact that one of them could be marrying the heir of my School, Ranma?"

"No. I mean why are you doing THIS?" Ranma waved around the room. "You've been acting strangely ever since the other day at the Tendo's. Why are you helping us? I can't believe you really care about the School that much!"

"Believe what you will, Ranma. I do care about this School. More than you will ever know. But you're right, there IS a reason I'm helping out."

"And what is that reason, old freak?"

"That," Happosai intoned, "…is a secret!"

**End Part I.**

**--oO0Oo--**

**Author's Notes:** I've just learned that not only did a remake of 'The Devil in Miss Jones' come out last year; but also the original movie was re-released on video earlier this month! So not only do I have to make the usual disclaimers about neither owning Ranma ½ nor profiting from this story, I also have to state that I'm not flacking for the movie it's going to parody. So don't take this story as a direct endorsement of the movie. This disclamation now ends.

Kimiko Ten'ou - I couldn't help but tease all the fanfics that named Soun's wife Kimiko Tendo.

Ronichiro Keoh - Yes, I'm playing with you. The SM and KP puns are deliberate. Don't worry, I'll stop now.

Xellos's line – OK. NOW I'll stop.

It should be obvious by now that all fiancées are in play. I've made sure to leave some chance for each of them to get Ranma. But does that include Kasumi or even Nabiki? On to part two!

**--oO0Oo--**

**Summary:** The gang's got the job! Kasumi's the seiyu for Juliet Jones in the new ero anime; and Ranma et al. were accepted as well. The fiancées won't be spending as much time with Ranma though. They're going to be taking care of the Tendo-ke while Kasumi's working. Not only will Nodoka and Cologne be giving the three of them bridal training, Happosai's agreed to teach all three of them Anything Goes! Meantime Kasumi and Nabiki get to work on Ranma's language and people skills away from Genma's influence. He and Soun will be too busy clearing out the dojo under Mousse and Konatsu's guar… guidance. But Happosai has a secret… and it would appear that Cologne has one too. What could Nabiki be planning? What could she have promised them? And why does Kasumi seem to be in on it? Deeply in on it?

-----

**Part II:**

After breaking off for lunch, the meeting resumed with Akane's observation: "Hey! This script is using our names!"

"Ah, yes! Let me explain that," Kimiko offered. "As you are not only untrained as actors, but are also family members, friends or at least well acquainted; it would be too much to expect you to remember and keep track of the names of each others' characters. Especially in the sex scenes. If one of you were to moan the wrong name while the others were trying to keep in character, the mood could easily sour. I've seen it happen. The wrong name at the wrong time could either spark a jealous rage or a mass giggle-fit. Either way we could lose an entire day in the schedule."

"But won't our friends recognize our names when they hear us use them?"

"We're only using names similar to your given names, not your full names. Besides, were you planning on using your own name in the film credits, Ukyo?" Nabiki asked. "You will all be using aliases as screen names. And I doubt anyone you know from Furinkan will be able get their hands on this film."

"Hah! You don't know Hiroshi or Daisuke that well, do you?" Ranma muttered aside.

"Or Yuka," Akane returned.

"Don't worry too much about it," Ronichiro assured them. "Since some of you are still in school, we will have to camouflage your voices anyway. I can slightly alter the pitch of your voices so that not even your closest friends would recognize you."

-----

With that detail settled; they went over the script in detail. They first viewed a subtitled version of the original film to get a grasp for the story.

The opening scene with Juliet Jones and the Fly Guy were creepy. The bathtub suicide scene was more so. The scene with Mr. Abaca was just too much for Ranma.

"I don't get it at all," he complained. "I've fought oni before, and that Abaca-guy's nothin' like 'em! And why would commitin' seppuku send ya to Hell? Isn't seppuku supposed to be a way to preserve your honor? And what's the deal with that first scene?"

"Ranma-kun," Kimiko explained, "you must remember that this movie was made for a western audience. We are going to have to rewrite a lot of the dialogue…"

"Why is that, Kimiko-san?" Akane asked. "Why can't we just use a better translation?"

Ronichiro answered her, "There are legal reasons, Akane-san. The only way that we could get this licensed was as an adaptation instead of as a direct translation of the original. Financially speaking, adapting it will also better suit our target audience in Japan and increase our revenue. The hentai otaku in the US and the rest of the world have a habit of just buying anything we produce and will probably attribute any differences they notice to obscure Japanese cultural attitudes."

"Sad but true," Kimiko agreed. "Anyway, Ranma-kun, think of Mr. Abaca as what the Christians consider a demon instead of our oni. They exist to torment the souls of people that are sent to Hell. We could imply that as a Christian, Miss Juliet Jones… or rather Kazumi… Maybe it would be easier to use the character names that WE will be using, ne? Ahem! Where was I? Ah, yes! We could imply that since the Kazumi character is a Christian she has to play by the Christians' own rules. If she were Buddhist, Shinto or even an atheist she would have to follow different rules. But as a Christian who committed a mortal sin, the good karma she accumulated in her life is wasted.

"She is damned to Hell for the sin of suicide. Lonkuh tells her this, and Kazumi rebels. She says: 'If I am going to Hell, then I want to go to Hell for a good reason!' She asks for the chance to go back among the living so that she could do all the evil things that she never got to do.

"Before Lonkuh agrees, she asks her what she will do. Since Kazumi died a virgin, she decides to explore all the things about sex that she denied herself when she was alive. Lonkuh sends Kazumi to your character, 'The Sensei', who teaches her all about sex. The rest of the movie shows Kazumi becoming more and more open about sex. Becoming perverted and eventually actively craving sex.

"Then Lonkuh comes back and tells her that she has EARNED her place in Hell. The opening scene with Happi-san's character is reprised in the end. We see that Hell is not exactly as the Christians imagine it. Kazumi's hell is to be a sex addict unable to find release unless it is with somebody else. She is doomed to spend eternity in frustration as Happi-san, the only other person with her, not only has no interest in sex, he refuses to even notice her. He spends his time listening to the buzzing of flies."

"Talk about casting against type!" Ukyo said in an aside to Shampoo.

"Bu-- But, I can't do this part! I don't know anything about sex!"

Massive facefault among the fiancées.

-----

"What!" "Are you trying to tell me that you're a virgin?" "I can't believe this! What about all those times when Shampoo…." "SAOTOME! What's this about my Shampoo?!"

**BONK!** "Stupid Mousse! How many times Shampoo have to tell you? I is not yours!"

After sparing a grateful nod at Shampoo, Ranma turned and retorted, "Why, are you trying to tell me that you're not one, Ucchan?"

Ukyo blushed and stuttered.

He then looked at Akane. "When will you EVER get it through your head that I don't go lookin' to make-out with Shampoo? SHE'S the one glompin' me! Not the other way around!"

**Schwing!** Nodoka pointed her katana at Ranma. "Are you trying to tell me that you have no interest in women, Ranma?"

"No,no,no! I'mplentyinterestedingirls! I'vemade-outwithgirlsbefore!"

The fiancées start to glower.

"Eeep! ButIonlyevergottosecondbase! Thirdbase,tops!

"Inevergottogoalltheway! Wewereneverinanyoneplacelongenoughtogetanyfurther.

"AndPopsneverletmegointothebrothelswithhim…"

"What?! Genma, you hound dog! TEN YEARS! I waited ten years, and you didn't!" Nodoka stormed off.

_Whew!_ Ranma thought as he watched the fiancées calm down. _I'm safe! _He looked on as his mother exited. _Mebbe I should tell her that Pops just worked as the bouncer,_ he mused wryly. _Nah, he'll have it comin'!_

-----

"I suppose," Kasumi sighed, "that that's one more thing that Nabiki and I will have to work with you on, Ranma"

"NANI?!"

"Well… I guess it does count as a social skill," Nabiki observed.

"RANMA" "AIREN" "RANCHAN!"

"I didn't do nothin'!"

"Oh relax, you three! Do you really think Kasumi meant THAT?"

"…"

"Honestly! Well, we might as well watch the rest of the movie. Pay attention, Saotome. There may be a test."

-----

Nodoka returned, with a satisfied smile on her face, just as the movie ended.

"Oh, my!" she uttered as she looked at the red faces on Ranma and his fiancées. "Have you all been having naughty thoughts?"

-----

There was sufficient time to work on two of the scenes.

Then the others left for the Tendo's while Ranma and Kasumi stayed to practice their lines for the next day's taping. Nabiki returned to the studio followed by Kimiko and Ronichiro.

"Ranma-baby, I have a confession to make"

"Why do I feel that I'm not gonna like this, Nabiki?"

"I don't know, Saotome. Maybe because you're a little paranoid?"

"You can't never be paranoid enough, Nabiki. 'Sides you're paranoid only when someone ISN'T out to get ya'!"

"Sadly true, Saotome. Anyway, I've got something you have to know."

"How much?"

"This is on me, Saotome."

"Now I'm worried. What do I have to know, Nabiki?"

"I'm Kimiko and Ronichiro's partner in this company."

"…"

"When I asked Kasumi-chan to become the seiyu, Nabiki-chan decided to join our partnership for a share," Kimiko put-in.

"Share?"

"What they mean, Ranma-kun is that Nabiki cashed-in her college fund to put up a third of the company's capital."

"That means, Saotome, that the partners share the profits of this project three ways. That's after expenses, taxes, salaries and royalties for you seiyu."

"I'm glad for you then, Nabiki. You always wanted to be in business. But what does this have to do with me?"

"It means, Ranma-kun, that not only is the future of the School and the dojo riding on the success of this project, Nabiki's future is riding on it as well."

"Not only my future, Sao-- Ranma. But yours and Akane's as well."

"…"

"My college fund was insufficient to pay for a full third of the company…"

"Don't tell me that you used Akane's col…"

"Of course not, Ranma! What kind of sister do you think I am?"

"…"

"I used the money from your and Akane's wedding gifts."

"What? But you said that the gifts would almost be enough to fix Mom's house!"

"That's true, but if I didn't use the money for this there'd be NO other way for us to make ALL the money we need for everything!"

"Why? Why did you do that, Nabiki? You had no right to touch our money!"

"I had no choice!" Nabiki cried, tears starting to trickle down her cheeks.

"I told all of you the truth the other day! We're broke and about to get broker! This is the only way short of prostitution that I could find to make the money to save us! Property taxes are coming due and Father's stipend won't cover them. Our food budget is only good until the end of next month. After that, Kasumi and I will have to start going on compensated dates just to put food on the table and to pay the utilities!"

Ranma fell onto his butt. This was a side of Nabiki that he had never seen before. Sure he suspected that she had a soft side. But he never expected to find a bloody wound.

Nabiki was openly crying in Kasumi's embrace. Not anywhere as bad as Soun, but honest tears just the same. She kept whispering "I had no choice!" over and over.

Ranma reached out and embraced the two sisters. "Hush, Nabiki-chan. It will be alright. You'll see. I'll beat this for you, I promise. And Saotome Ranma…"

"Saotome Ranma doesn't lose," Nabiki mumbled from Kasumi's arms, hiccupping slightly.

Kasumi beamed a proud smile at the two of them.

-----

After Nabiki had had a chance to calm down and freshen-up, Ranma tentatively asked her a question.

"Nabiki? I just gotta know… Why did you choose working on this movie?

"They have a 'sure thing', Ranma. With the economy as it is, and all these terrorist threats, people are looking for a cheap and safe way to keep entertained. The porn market always peaked during times of uncertainty. What better time than now?"

"Kimiko-sempai and Ronichiro-san wanted to take advantage of the timing," Kasumi added. "Health risks are making live porn films too expensive to produce. Those risks do not exist with ero anime. They REALLY wanted to get a group like ours - with healthy, young, unknown voices who are comfortable working together - to be the seiyu."

"The timing is also good in another way," Kimiko offered. "The original movie is being re-released in the U.S. this winter. That always gets the interest of the hentai otaku. If we can get the first part of the movie produced by the end of the month, investors will flock to finance the rest of the series."

"How are you gonna get the movie done that soon? With only Ronichiro-san and Nabiki doin' the artwork, you'll need Amaguriken to draw that fast!"

Ronichiro ignored the cryptic reference and answered Ranma. "One word: rotoscoping."

**End Chapter 2.**

-----

**Author's Notes:** Chapter 2 finishes with the movie finally entering production. I think that I've answered all the questions leftover from the previous chapter. But new questions appear. Does Ranma get ANY of the girls? What is Cologne's plan and what does Nabiki know about it? Is Nabiki finally letting the ice melt? Or did Ranma get played again? If so, Kasumi wouldn't go along with that, would she? Rotoscoping, what's that?

Well you could google it and find out!

My thanks to the people on The Fanfiction Forum who previewed this story.

**--oO0Oo--**

**Deleted Scene Omake 2:**

"Ahhhh! Happi-san, pleassse!" Kasumi moaned. **Shlick! Shlick! Shlick!**

"Happi-san! Have pity on me! Can't you see how wet I am?" **Shlick! Shlick! Shlick!**

"Shhhh. Hush now," Happosai muttered. **Bzzz! Bzzzzz! Bzzzzzzip!**

"Happi-san, I can't stand it any longer! Pleassse…" **Shlick! Shlick! Shlick! Shlick! ****Shlick!**

"Be quiet, woman!" **Bzzz! Bzzz!**

"Happi-san, pleassse! I'm begging you!" **Shlick! Shlick! Shlick!** "Touch me! I can't come unless you touch me. If you touch me we could come together!"

"I said be quiet! Now leave me be!" **Bzzzzz! Bzzzzzzip!** "I think these flies are trying to tell me something…"

"Ahhhh! Nooooooo!"

"And… cut! Print that!"

Kasumi and Happosai stepped back from the microphones, put down their scripts and looked to the control room window.

"Good work, Kasumi-chan!" **Shlick! Shlick! Shlick! **"Ah? Could someone turn-off the…." **Shlick! Shli-- (click)** "Thank you, Nabiki-chan."

Kimiko turned back to the actors. "As I was saying, that was good work, Kasumi-chan and Happi-kun. It's an excellent beginning to a new production when you finish the first scene in one take. This takes care or the movie's opening scene. Next we'll do the additional lines for the movie's closing scene. Cologne-chan, if you would…"

-----

**My Homage-to-'Sexy Losers' Omake:**

"Good work, Kasumi-chan!" **Shlick! Shlick! Shlick! **"Ah? Could someone turn-off the…." **Shlick! Shli-- (click)** "Thank you, Nabiki-chan."

Kimiko turned back to the actors. "As I was saying, that…" **Shlick! Shlick! Shlick!**

"…"

**Shlick! Shlick! ****Shlick!**

"Don't look at me," Nabiki said. "I KNOW I turned it off."

**Shlick! Shlick! Shlick!** "Mom! What do you think you're doing?!"

**(Ziiip) Fap! Fap! Fap!** "Gaaah! Moooom! Don't touch me there!"

"Ohhh? Where DO you want me to touch you then, Ranma?"

-----

**I'm-a-sick-bastard-and-I'll-rot-in-Hell Omake:**

**Shlick! Shlick! Shlick!**

"Don't look at me," Nabiki said. "I KNOW I turned it off."

**Shlick! Shlick! Shlick!** "Aiyah! Great-grandmother! What you doing?!"

-----

Please review.

**--oO0Oo--**


	3. Chapter 3, Parts 1 & 2

**The Devil in Miss Tendo**

A Ranma 1/2 fanfic

by avis de rapina

**--oO0Oo--**

**Chapter 3: (Citrus Warning - Lime and almost Lemonish stuff ahead.)**

"Speech"

_Thoughts_

'Titles / Quotes in speech or thoughts'

EMPHASIS

**Sound effects**

_(Script Directions)_

-----

**Disclaimer Limericks with Anapestic Feet:**

_There was once a young man on the 'net,_

_Who thought-up a fanfic on a bet._

_His friends said, "Hey, you fail!"_

_Did he pout, scream or wail?_

_No, this work's posted with no regret!_

_---_

_He hoped that this fic's one you'll enjoy;_

_Though it's not fit for young girl or boy._

_He thought nonesuch would find_

_Smutty ones of this kind;_

_Since an "M" rating he did employ._

_---_

_He had asked all of you to review._

_This is what some of you then did do._

_Though most said it was fine;_

_Flaws did some others find._

_And re-post this fic then he did too._

_---_

_This disclaimer's put here to proclaim_

_That no character's here in his name._

_Should some shysters then sue,_

_There'll be aught they can do;_

_As he's getting naught from this but fame!_

(Anapestic foot – a metrical foot of three syllables with stress on the THIRD syllable: short-short-long.)

-----

**Summary:** The Ice Queen melted and admitted part of her secrets to Ranma. Namely that if this project works then she's in line for a fair bit of swag. Actually she, Ranma and Akane; since she had to use their wedding money to help pay for a full third in the company. As to why she did such a thing - it would seem that things are more dire than she had let on. But doing these movies might just pay-off big time… IF they could get the first one finished in time.

-----

**Previously: **"The timing is also good in another way," Kimiko offered. "The original movie is being re-released in the U.S. this winter. That always gets the interest of the hentai otaku. If we can get the first part of the movie produced by the end of the month, investors will flock to finance the rest of the series."

"How are you gonna get the movie done that soon? With only Ronichiro-san and Nabiki doin' the artwork, you'll need Amaguriken to draw that fast!"

Ronichiro ignored the cryptic reference and answered Ranma. "One word: rotoscoping."

-----

**Part I:**

They all gathered at the studio for the next morning's taping session. The Nekohanten and Ucchan's contingents had agreed on rotation and combination schedules for the martial arts and 'bridal' training that would commence that afternoon. Nabiki had informed them that a very important demonstration was also to take place that morning.

Mousse had his first speaking part. Ronichiro electronically altered his voice to suit a much older role as Mousse read aloud what was apparently a 'Dear Jane' letter to Kasumi's character. It only took three takes. The first to get the tone and pitch correct, the second to correct the pacing and some mispronunciation's in Mousse's otherwise fluent Japanese. Ronichiro and Nabiki then spent half an hour on their graphics workstations merging Mousse's lines into previously completed animation work. Their finished work made-up the bulk of the demonstration.

-----

"Thank you for waiting," Kimiko started out. "After you had left yesterday, Ranma asked some questions that we feel are better answered by showing rather than by telling you. As you may have noticed, we have a rather hectic schedule for the next few weeks. This is because we will be rushing to finish about a third of this movie by the end of the month. The re-release of the original 'The Devil in Miss Jones' this December will create a window of opportunity for us to attract investors to this company and to this project.

"We are a small company and a brand-new one. While Ronichiro and I have almost two decade's worth of experience between us, and if I may be modest, very good reputations in the romance and ero anime industries; this does not mean anything to the financiers who would otherwise support us. To them, our lack of a track record as independents is a liability. Until we can present them with a finished sample of our work, this company, and your futures are on borrowed time.

"Traditional hand-drawn animation is too time and cost-intensive a process for us to employ for this project. Digital animation will greatly speed-up this process and is almost as good as the hand-drawn for a much lower cost. However, it would take too much of Ronichiro and Nabiki's time. As your summer vacations will be ending next month, your school schedules will also cut into the time we have to work on these movies."

"Fortunately," Ronichiro took over, "there is a technique that we can use to produce this work in the time available, AND present a unique effect that will distinguish our videos from the rest of the ero anime on the market. It is called rotoscoping. And before I explain the process, I would like to demonstrate the finished product using a few scenes Kasumi, Nabiki and I worked on late last week."

---

Nabiki dimmed the lights as Ronichiro turned-on a projector screen monitor. A synchronizer sequence was followed by a scene marker. This was followed in turn by a pastel-shaded scene of two lovers walking and laughing in a park while a piano solo of the theme from 'Love Story' played in the background. The third stanza coincided with the scene of a tender and very chaste goodbye. The refrain started as an envelope was then seen handed over to the female figure, whose face was still obscured with a bright halo effect.

She opened and read the letter as the music faltered and came to a crashing silence. Mousse's altered voice was heard as the camera slowly zoomed into the still obscured face. _"My dear Kazumi-chan. I must inform you that my mother has recently arranged an omiai with the daughter of one of her old schoolmates. Mizuho is a lovely young woman, and…"_ Mousse's voice trailed-off into the background as the light in the woman's face faded to reveal brown eyes lined with tears. The pastels and bright lights were now replaced with dark colors and chiaroscuro effects as the camera zoomed back to reveal the weeping face of Tendo Kasumi.

"Th-- that's onee-chan's face!" Akane blurted. "That's a very realistic drawing of onee-chan's face!"

"Yes," Ronichiro replied as he paused the video. "That is the result of rotoscoping. In essence, we take a film or video of a real scene and 'paint' over it. We then use that painted scene and reshoot or replace it for the original scene as a rotoscoped animation. This is the secret to the realistic and anatomically accurate rendering of some of the early Walt Disney movies and the 1940's Superman cartoons. Only now we use digital images and computer software to work faster and more cheaply than they used to."

He resumed the video and continued to comment as the camera zoomed further back and panned down to show Kasumi in all her glory seated in a half-empty furo. Tears dripped from her chin, onto her breasts and then into water that was slowly turning red from blood flowing from her slashed wrists.

"As you can see, we are able to capture Kasumi's face in near-perfect detail, and please observe the way we have drawn her in a completely natural pose."

Akane started to choke. **(Glug!)**

"Also take note of the way the breasts jiggle in time with her sobs. Oh, and I'm very proud of the way we depict the blood spreading through the water…"

"That's not the point!" Akane shouted. "You're drawing Kasumi naked! I thought that you would use some pictures that you just made up!"

"Waitaminute!" Ranma put his two-cents into the discussion. "Do you mean to say that you took video of Kasumi naked? Are you tryin' to tell me that you're gonna take videos of all of us naked? Or havin' sex?"

-----

"Of course not!" "Honestly, Saotome…" Kimiko and Nabiki's quick comments forestalled the explosion on the parts of Ranma, Akane and Mousse. Interestingly, they also led to expressions of disappointment on Ukyo, Shampoo and Nodoka.

"Nabiki-chan," Kimiko asked, "please play the actual footage that we used as reference for that scene."

The screen blanked and then showed video footage of Kasumi seated in the exact same pose in a half-empty furo… wearing a two-piece swimsuit.

"As you can see, Akane," Nabiki drawled."Onee-chan is in fact modestly dressed… for a porn star."

Akane started to blush and stammer apologies.

"You will all be dressed in a similar manner during your scenes," Ronichiro stated. "Rotoscoping will require us to pose your bodies. Nudity is not actually required."

"Except," Nabiki observed, "for the full-body nude shots that we will need for drawing references. You know… so that we get all the proportions right when we rotoscope out the clothes you'll be wearing during shooting."

"NABIKI!"

"What's the problem, Saotome? The only ones who will see those shots are Ronichiro and myself."

"Yeah, right, Nabiki." _Like you wouldn't sell THOSE pictures to Kodachi!_

"But that's still perverted, Nabiki!"

"…"

"It wouldn't be so bad with you, but Ronichiro's a man!"

"Ronichiro is a GAY man, Akane," Kasumi said with a chuckle as she finally joined in.

-----

"A-- Are you sure, onee-chan? I mean, he could be just pretending to…"

Kasumi frowned at Akane, "Are you doubting MY abilities, Akane?"

"No, no, no!" Akane answered while quickly waving her hands in front of her. "I'll take your word for it."

Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo turned quizzical looks at Akane; who silently mouthed, 'Later,' in reply.

"And if any of you boys feel uncomfortable about being around Ronichiro," Kimiko offered with a dry smile, "rest assured that all he'll do is look and NEVER touch." She took a sip of coffee before continuing. "My brother, Haruko, is the jealous type."

"All for no reason, I can assure you," Ronichiro sniffed. "Ranma-san, while I might otherwise find you attractive, I hope that you'll take no offense if I say that I'm very happy in my relationship with Haruko and have no interest in another man."

Ranma mentally breathed a sigh of relief.

"However," Ronichiro continued, "while I'm sure that Haruko knows that he's the only man for me and that I will never stray… He has been known to bump heads with any good-looking males that come into my presence. He will likely be dropping by here from time to time, and since you WILL be the man spending the most time here…."

"Wadda I do then? I can beat him up if he gets in my face… But I don't think that any of you two will like that."

"That won't be at all necessary, Ranma-kun. My brother only gets jealous about good-looking GAY males who hang around Ronichiro. All you have to do is pay attention to and flirt intimately with Kasumi-chan, Nabiki-chan and any of the other girls when they're here."

"Does that include you, Kimiko-san? Should I try n' flirt with you as well?"

"Er-- Better not, Ranma-kun. Onii-chan can really get into the overprotective big brother bit sometimes." _Besides, I don't think the girls will like that!_

Shampoo and Ukyo's expressions were halfway between a glower and a goofy grin as they imagined Ranma flirting with the others, then with themselves. Akane was definitely frowning and was about to get started on an aura when Nabiki nudged her and drew her attention back to Kimiko.

"…mode of dress might be a problem, Ukyo-chan. I'm afraid that you'll have to stop wearing your chest bindings when you come over here. Konatsu-kun, I'm just not sure what we should do about you. You look enough like a girl at casual glance to fool my brother, but if he were to find out the truth… It would be just as bad if you adopted male clothes. You would probably look too bishie to play a straight male."

"That will not be a problem, Kimiko-sama. Should your brother, or anyone else drop by, I can easily make myself disappear like so…" Konatsu blurred and disappeared.

"Amazing!" Kimiko exclaimed and Ronichiro nodded in agreement.

"That was nothing, Kimiko-sama," Konatsu's voice said from the ceiling. "But I thank you for your kind appreciation," he finished as he re-appeared before them.

"Well then, I guess that will only leave Mousse-san," Ronichiro said as he brought the conversation back on-topic.

"Mousse be no problem," Shampoo stated matter-of-factly as she poured some of her tea on Mousse. Her ICED-tea. "No need for man's-lover be jealous of duck."

"…"

-----

In the short break that followed the explanation of the Jusenkyo curses and the demonstrations thereof. Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo cornered Akane and grilled her about Kasumi's earlier comments.

"It happened in her freshman year at Furinkan High," Akane explained. "A junior student transferred in the middle of that year. Onee-chan went gaa-gaa over him. It got so bad that Nabiki had to do some of the cooking." _I offered to help her. I honestly don't know why she didn't let me cook after that one time._ "When Kasumi confessed after offering him honmei-choco that Valentine's… Let's just say that Nabiki and I wanted to use him as a training dummy at the dojo for what he did."

"Did he…"

"Nothing like that, Ukyo. He just laughed at her when he told her that he was gay. The jerk then told her that he probably wouldn't be interested in her even if he wasn't gay. Kasumi never ever confessed to a boy after that. She did develop very accurate gaydar though. She could always tell, even if they pretended to themselves.

"That was the start of a lot of things for us. When Kasumi bloomed later that year, she had boys hanging all over her; but she never paid them any attention. I guess she was still hurt by that jerk's comments and just got into the habit of ignoring them.

"Nabiki started looking into those boys' backgrounds, sort of her way to protect Kasumi. She probably liked the power over people that kind of knowledge brought and just kept at it."

"And yourself?" Ranma asked softly, amazed at how little he still knew about the people he had spent most of a year with.

"Me? I-- I started to think that there was something weird about boys. Kuno's speech last year only made me sure that most if not all of them were perverts!"

"Do you still think that way, Akane? Do you still think I'm a pervert?"

"I-- I don't know, Ranma. Maybe not as much." _But if you are a pervert, then you are going to be MY pervert!_

-----

That morning ended with the taping of Kasumi and Cologne's scene. It was fairly straightforward. It only differed from the previous day's scenes with Happosai and that morning's session with Mousse in that two high-definition video cameras were used, as were props.

Cologne sat behind a desk in a pose very reminiscent of Ikari Gendo. Kasumi sat before her and acted nervously, as she was directed to by the script playing on a teleprompter just off-camera. The NWC members watched in wonder as Kasumi and Cologne tore through their lines. Cologne's experience on the Joketsuzoku's Council of Elders gave her just the right slant to properly interpret her role as Kasumi's interrogator and tribunal.

But Kasumi was AWESOME! She brought life and fire to Miss Jone's lines of a damned soul, denied her place in Heaven for her very last act in life, bargaining with a devil for a chance to deserve her place in Hell, by engaging in every carnal debauchery that she had denied herself while she was still alive.

-----

**_Kazumi:_**

_(Stands and leans over desk.)_

_"Please, Lonkuh-sama! If I am to be damned to Hell, let it be for something that I truly deserve!"_

**_---_**

**_Lonkuh:_**

_(Leans back and points to a file entry.)_

_"Oh? And I suppose you think that suicide doesn't count? Surprise, surprise! It does by your Christian rules."_

**_---_**

**_Kazumi:_**

_"I do not dispute that!"_

_(Shakes head and stands straight.)_

_"What I mean is what good is a prize that you have won only by default?_

_Wouldn't Hell rather receive a soul that had willingly damned itself?_

_Especially if that soul would have otherwise gone to Heaven?"_

**_---_**

**_Lonkuh: _**

_(Hops onto the desk. Walks to the edge. Stares into Kasumi's eyes.)_

_"Interesting. What exactly are you proposing?" _

**_---_**

**_Kazumi: _**

_(Looks down. Takes a deep breath. Glares back at Lonkuh.)_

_"What I propose is to completely destroy the image that I have made of myself in other people's minds._

_They see me as some kind of saint. A selfless, forgiving, kind-hearted fool_

_who would wait obliviously for some man to finally get-up the courage to ask her out on a date."_

**_---_**

-----

"Kami, she's good," observed Ukyo in a whisper.

"Onee-chan's a good actress," Akane whispered back. "She played Juliet in middle school before I did. I always wanted to be as good as her."

_I wonder how much of what I saw everyday was just acting,_ Ranma mused.

-----

**_Kazumi: _**

_(Starts to cry.)_

_"The kind of fool who would let that man leave her with some vague promise of returning after visiting his mother."_

**_---_**

-----

Kasumi spun away from Cologne, the camera and the teleprompter. However she continued to speak clearly despite very loud sobs. "Only to find out that he has married another woman who now carries his child… THAT is the image that I want to destroy!"

She took deep gulping breaths, wiped her eyes and turned back to face Cologne and the camera behind her. She continued speaking, not even bothering to glance at the script scrolling before her.

"I'll destroy that image by presenting them with another. That of a licentious, wanton libertine! No more of the nice-girl act. If I'll go to Hell despite living like a saint, then I want to go back to Earth and raise some Hell before I do! I want to have sex! Sex with all the people I never even thought I'd have sex with. I want to do it with men and women. I'd do it with my sister! I'll make that prude just as wanton as I will soon be. I'd do it with the ugliest man I know just to shock my family. I'd do it with demons. I'd even do it with you!"

Cologne gaped at Kasumi before quickly recovering and resuming her lines.

-----

**_Lonkuh: _**

_"THAT won't be necessary. But before I grant your request, tell me. Just how experienced at sex are you?"_

**_---_**

**_Kazumi: _**

_(Blushes. Looks down.)_

_"Not very. Some kissing. I'm a virgin."_

**_---_**

**_Lonkuh: _**

_(Sits back down. Closes File.)_

_"Well then. That means that you will have to go to 'THE SENSEI' for training now, won't you?"_

**_---_**

-----

"And... Cut! That's a print!" Kimiko called-out. "Fantastic work, people! And that ad-libbing was spot-on, Kasumi-chan!"

"Arigato, Kimiko-chan," Kasumi weakly returned. "THAT was a little too intense."

Ranma nudged Akane. "A VERY good actress indeed. Are you sure she was still acting?"

"Kami, I hope so!" she answered.

"That's why Kasumi is perfect for this role," Nabiki said as she joined them. "It's practically her biography up to shortly after you arrived, Saotome."

**End Part I.**

-----

**Author's Note:** Kazumi... Mizuho – Yet another tribute to Inoue Kikuko; who played Kazami Mizuho in 'Onegai Sensei'.

**--oO0Oo--**

**Interlude 1:**

Just as the seniors and the NWC were about to leave for the Tendo's, Nabiki and Ronichiro called Ranma back into the studio.

"Ranma-san," Ronichiro stated in a clinical voice, "we must take those nude reference pictures that Nabiki mentioned earlier. Let me reassure you once again that these pictures will NOT leave this studio."

"Do we gotta, Ronichiro-san? Can't you just film me in a t-shirt and boxers then roto-thingy using your imagination?"

"I'm afraid not, Saotome," Nabiki chuckled. "It would not be fair to the others, especially onee-chan." She smiled as Ronichiro handed her 2000 yen.

"…"

"I bet him that you'd try to talk your way out of this," she explained.

"A shirt is definitely out of the question, Ranma-san. The human back has so many muscles that drawing them in motion, with the detail we will be using, is very difficult. Likewise boxers will also make it difficult to draw the motion of the gluteal muscles. For your nude scenes, we will have to film you in as little clothing as possible."

"And how little is that, Ronichiro-san?"

"As little as this, Ranma-baby." Nabiki giggled as she handed Ranma a… well… I guess it could be called clothing of some kind.

"Wh-- What's this supposed to be, Nabiki?" Ranma examined it. IT was made of Lycra, of a solid blue color. There was a wide loop of elastic material whose ends attached to the sides of the base of the item. A shorter loop that ran from the middle of the first to just below an opening at the back of what looked like small sacks. The opening led into the sacks, one of which was long, narrow and located above the other which was short and wide.

"It's called a 'cock-sock', Saotome. See? The cock goes in here; this other sack will contain the rest of your dangly-bits. Think of it as a kind of athletic supporter. It's also going to be your costume for most of this movie."

"Uh-uh, Tendo. I ain't gonna wear it! Where did you even get this?"

"It came from Chippendales, Ranma-baby. And you don't have to wear it… So long as you don't mind Akane finding out that you're going to flash Kasumi and myself for the rest of this film."

"…Can't I just wear it this once for the photos and then have you use those for the rest of the movie? I'd really rather wear boxers."

Ronichiro sighed as he gave Nabiki another 2000 yen. "That wouldn't work, Ranma-san. The rotoscoping software will identify this blue color and mark it as places for us to digitally composite the pictures of your privates. And we NEED those pictures. We can't just use our imaginations as you suggested. The difference in appearance from one scene to another is one of the first things that viewers will notice."

"…"

"This? Oh, I also bet her that you wouldn't refuse to wear it. I must say that you disappoint me, Ranma-san."

-----

**Deleted Scene Omake 3:**

_If Kasumi can do this, then I can too!_ Ranma thought to himself as he pulled his boxers down then wrapped a yukata around himself. _Just gotta remember, 'Soul of Ice!'_ He then walked out of the dressing room and into the studio.

There did seem to be a lot more lights than necessary to take a few pictures. More, in fact than were used in the entire scene that morning. The lights made it hot enough that he thought it was a good thing that he'd decided to employ the 'Soul of Ice'. He knew though, that he'll start feeling nice and breezy soon enough.

He stumbled his way into the middle of the studio just as Nabiki called out from behind some of the lights, "Finally! What kept you, Saotome? Another two minutes and Ronichiro-kun would have won our latest bet."

"Oh, you know me, biki-chan… I always make a grand entrance!" Ranma said a little too brightly. _'Soul of Ice!'_

"Whatever, Ranma. Let's just get this over with. Stand half a meter to your left, face me and drop the yukata."

"…"

**Click, click, click.**

"Hands on your hips please, Ranma-san" **Click, click, click.**

"A quarter turn to your right, please."

"…"

"That means turn halfway to the right, Ranma."

"Oh."

**Click, click, click.** "Good, now all the way to a right profile." **Click, click, click.**

"Now face front again and give me a quarter turn to the left…"

-----

**This-one's-for-the-girls Omake:**

"Whatever, Ranma. Let's just get this over with. Stand half a meter to your left, face me and drop the yukata."

"…"

"Oh my! I don't see why Akane wouldn't want this engagement." **(Glurkle!)**

"Ack! Kasumi, what are YOU doing here?!"

"Why shouldn't I be here, Ranma-kun? We do have some scenes together in half an hour."

"Straighten up and drop your hands, Saotome. We're on a shedule here."

"B-- But, Nabiki! Kasumi's right here!"

"And she'll soon be wearing little more than you are now, and you'll be touching eachother for the rest of the afternoon. Think like a professional, Ranma-baby! And if you can't, remember that you gave us your word!"

Ranma slowly straightened from his crouch and dropped his hands to his sides. His blush threatened to out-shine the studio lights. _'Soul of Ice!'_

"Hands on your hips please, Ranma-san" **Click, click, click.**

"A quarter turn to your right, please."

_'Soul of Ice!'_

"Am I imagining things, or is Ranchan shrinking?"

Ranma froze as sweatdrops broke out.

"Aiyah! Ukyo right. Airen not as big as Shampoo recall."

"Hmmph! As if YOU'd seen him more than once! Although come to think of it, the pervert does seem to be less 'perverted' than I recall too."

"Perhaps the groom should stop his 'Soul of Ice' technique? I've heard stories of how cold could cause 'shrinkage'."

"That may be, elder. But in any case Ranma is definitely more manly than his father."

"Really, Nodoka-chan? I can't wait to see how big Ranma-kun gets when he finally has an erection. Perhaps we should get that IMAX camera, ne, Ronichiro? You're so lucky, Kasumi-chan!"

-----

**Thanks-to-ttestagr-for-introducing-me-to-Rider Omake:**

**Click, click, click.** "That'll do for the first set, Ranma-san. We'll continue as soon as you're erect."

"…" **(sweatdrop)**

"As impressive as that is, Ranma-baby, you can't seriously expect us to animate any man approaching a woman as hot as onee-chan with a 'weapon' as soft as yours. Unless he's gay?"

"…" **(vein-cross)**

"Oh my, I don't think it's nice to tease Ranma-kun like that, Nabiki. I mean, he DID check us out in our bikinis during our last trip to the beach."

"…" **(sweatdrop, sweatdrop, sweatdrop)**

"Any time, Saotome…"

_What does she want me to do?! It's not like I can just stand here and fap myself in front of the three of them!_

"…"

**(Sigh)** "This is getting us nowhere. You're going to owe me for this, Saotome."

Nabiki stepped out from behind the lights and sashayed her way before Ranma. She gazed at Ranma, who looked back with eyes widened to the classic 'deer-in-the-headlights' expression.

Nabiki smirked as she purred, "Look into my eyes…"

She knelt; keeping eye contact. Reached forward, and… **Slurp!**

"That did it, Nabiki-san!" **Click, click, click.** "Pull your head back a bit… Hmm. Maybe a few more licks, Nabiki-san!"

**--oO0Oo--**

**Summary:** This rotoscoping thing involves shooting a real movie before the animators 'draw' over it. That means that Ranma et al. will have to ACT out the movie instead of just reading the lines in a studio. 'What's wrong with that,' you say? You do remember that this is a poruno movie they're working on, right? 'Kasumi will never let things get out of hand,' you say? Umm. Are you sure you're reading the right story?

-----

**Part II:**

Ranma was having difficulty during his scenes with Kasumi that afternoon.

It wasn't his lines, what there were of them. His ability to quickly learn martial arts techniques served him in good stead there. He merely treated his lines as a verbal kata... in much the same way that he treated schoolwork in the rote-intensive curriculum at Furinkan High.

It wasn't the 'costume' Nabiki had given him for the later scenes. He was pretty sure that she was just pranking him yet again. (She wasn't. But don't tell him. He'll find out soon enough.)

It was his co-star, Kasumi herself. She had surprised him with her performances earlier in the morning. He had long suspected that she had hidden depths to her. He just didn't suspect that they would rival the Marianas Trench. She was brave to pose in the nude for reference photos. But to allow them to animate her in the nude... with her own face... and her own voice, was beyond his expectations.

The bit of personal history that Akane had narrated earlier also put her behavior in a new light; as did her performance with Cologne. It was just that the new light seemed to be coming from some UFO. He had begun to suspect that Kasumi was some kind of pod-person or perhaps a mirror clone. He'd have believed it, if it weren't for Akane and Nabiki accepting Kasumi's actions at face value.

_And what's the deal with Nabiki? I knew she had an oral fixation; she's always walkin' around the house with some Pocky in her mouth. But to do that! I just know I had to be dreamin' that. I don't wanna know what I'm gonna owe her if it wasn't a dream!_

-----

Act 4, Scene 1 started pretty much according to the script.

**_Kazumi:_**

_(Scratches at shogi. Waits. Opens shogi. Enters. Kneels. Closes shogi. Walks in front of Ran-sensei. Sits in seiza. Bows.)_

_"Konbanwa, Ran-sensei. Kazumi Ichigo desu. I am to be your new student."_

**_---_**

Kasumi's next line was definitely NOT in the script.

"Please look on me with good favor," she said brightly. As she straightened, she also threw him a saucy wink off-camera.

Ranma froze momentarily. _'Look on me with good favor'? ...Isn't that what a bride's supposed to say on her honeymoon? Looks like Kasumi-chan's got a sense of humor after all! Two can play at this game._

"Is THIS what they are sending me to work with now?" Ranma ad-libbed in his best Genma impersonation. "Oh, the shame! That I; who have trained such succubi as the great Morrigan Aensland; should be reduced to this! To teaching a virgin!" He winked back at Kasumi who was masking her giggles by pretending to tremble.

"Oh please, Ran-sensei, give me a chance! Teach me how to give pleasure in the pillow arts and I will bring great honor to your School!"

_Ah, so she wishes to continue this game, ne? Let's take it up a notch and see if she's got what it takes._

"And why should I even bother?" Ranma sneered. "Why should I waste my efforts trying to teach you? You would probably faint at the first sight of a male organ, much less at the first taste. Your first 'little death' would likely bring about your own demise!"

Kasumi quickly retorted with a touch of fire in her voice, "It may be true, sensei, that I lack the experience to be worthy of your teaching. But I swear on my very soul that you will not have a better student than myself! There is no one more willing than I am to learn every sexual perversion that you have to teach. Nor is there anyone more eager to master those skills and become your equal, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. All I ask is that you try me for real, and see what I can do." She cooed the last and sent him another saucy off-camera wink.

Ranma stood still as he heard a familiar line uttered by yet another Tendo sister: 'Why don't you try me for real…' He shook his head, smirked and murmured, "Anything Goes, ne?" He bowed to Kasumi. Both conceding this round and resuming the script.

**_Ran-sensei:_**

_(Bows curtly. Grunts.)_

_"Very well, I shall take you on as a provisional student._

_Be warned: I shall not take this training easy on you._

_If you fail to meet my expectations, you are going to go to Hell anyway._

_But only after I use your body to train my next student!"_

**_---_**

**_Kazumi:_**

_(Kowtows.)_

_"Thank you, Ran-sensei. I shall not disappoint you._

_Do with me whatever you will."_

**_---_**

**_Ran-sensei:_**

_"Then arise, and let the lessons begin."_

**_---_**

-----

That's when he lost control of the situation. Kasumi gamely took off her clothes to reveal her 'costume'. It was NOT a two-piece swimsuit. What little there was of it was altogether showing too much of Kasumi. He had a sinking feeling that Nabiki really wasn't just trying to prank him. He was glad that he'd decided to play along and wear the 'costume' Nabiki had given him earlier.

He had sparred with girls before. His reluctance to do so with Akane was due more to her insistence on sparring at levels far beyond her current capabilities. But he HAD grappled with other girls using Jujitsu, Kempo and Taekwando. It was just that he hadn't grappled with a girl as curvy, firm-fleshed, jiggly nor as underdressed as Kasumi, at least not since that first time Shampoo-neko jumped into the furo with him. But even then the focus of his efforts were on keeping her away from him. (Actually, they were more on getting her or himself out of the furoba before Akane came to investigate. We all know what happened then.) Kasumi was not only supposed to be trying to get close to him; he was also SUPPOSED to let her, and to even show her how!

-----

The butt-plug scene took four takes to finish, and almost made Ranma give up right there. Ronichiro explained that while they will rotoscope in images of rather scary-looking implements in post-production, he would still have to insert a replacement or dummy plug into Kasumi's bung hole for them to rotoscope around.

"As the hole dilates and distends the rest of the gluteal anatomy shifts, Ranma-san. We could save so much time if we were to rotoscope this scene from life instead of from scratch."

"And unless you're actually holding a dummy plug, there's no way for us to properly position you hands in relation to onee-chan's butt, Saotome." Nabiki added with a grin.

"Bu-- But…"

"Exactly, Saotome. Her butt."

Kasumi finally stepped in to reassure him. "Ranma-kun, don't worry. I will not be hurt," she said as she picked up one of the 'dummy plugs'. It was a prophylactic, and admittedly one of the smaller sizes, half-filled with a rather firm gel and tied-off with a string. "See? This thing is too small, too narrow and too soft to do me any kind of damage. Nabiki and I tried them last night and they're more likely to burst than to cause any pain."

"…"

"Oh my!"

"I think that bit about last night was too much information for him to handle, sis." **(Sigh)** "You stop his bleeding while I fetch a mop and bucket."

-----

After that scene, Ranma had no problem attaining an erection. In fact he was straining the cock-sock's stitching. This was a good thing in that Act 4, Scene 4 required them to simulate giving head. He thought that Kasumi would merely bob her head with her mouth open while positioning herself between him and the camera.

He didn't expect Kasumi to actually grab, stroke, squeeze and fondle him. He never imagined Kasumi would give Nabiki competition and actually lick his er… sock.

When she closed her eyes, opened her mouth and was apparently about to actually engulf him, sock and all, he lost it. Lycra material with nylon stitching already strained by his rampant dimensions had inadequate tensile strength to resist a sudden increase in hyrdrostatic pressure.

"Cut!," Ronichiro called out with a disappointed sigh. _I really shouldn't have let Nabiki talk me into this,_ he mused.

"Keep going," Nabiki cried. "We can use this for the bukkake scene in Act 6!"

-----

They adjourned to the conference room. There was little point to filming any further that day as Ranma was clearly too embarassed to continue. He kept trying to apologize to Kasumi, yet cringed just as soon as she looked at him.

"I must say, Saotome, that was a really impressive money shot."

Ranma cringed deeper into his seat.

"Yes it was, Nabiki-san. Not only was the volume remarkable, but the spatter pattern was also perfect! It's a shame that we're doing an ero anime though. Once we rotoscope it, no one will believe that we aren't making it up."

Ranma's head slipped closer to the table.

"Is that so, Ronichiro? It really covered all of Kasumi-chan's face?"

Ranma started to wish the floor would just swallow him up.

"You should have seen it, Kimiko! He got her mouth, lips, nose, ears, chin, neck, bangs… It was a good thing you had your eyes closed, Kasumi-san."

**Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam.**

"Perhaps we had better talk about something else." Kasumi said. "I really don't think it's good for Ranma to keep banging his head on the table like that."

"…"

"So… What did it taste like, sis? Did adding all those veggies to his diet sweeten it like Mom's cookbook said?"

**Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam.**

-----

"In all seriousness, Ranma-san," Ronichiro began once Ranma had calmed down, "I am worried about your performance this afternoon."

Ranma blushed and started to rock his head once again.

"I'm worried about your performance as an ACTOR," Ronichiro hurriedly ammended. "That little bit of ad-libbing you and Kasumi-san made up was fantastic! However, once Kasumi-san removed her clothes, your entire body language closed-up. Your motions became more tentative and unsure. For someone who had gotten to third or even to second base it was most unusual."

"I was confused about that earlier, Ronichiru-kun. What are all these bases that you and Ranma were talking about?"

"It's an American expression, Kasumi-san. It comes from the bases used in a baseball game. To be 'At bat' means that you are dating or 'going steady'. Getting to 'First base' means that you are on kissing terms. Getting to 'Second base' means that you are 'making out' which generally implies groping without contact with the genitals. 'Third base' means foreplay, and is understood to include any genital contact up to oral sex. To reach 'Home plate' or 'Fourth base' means actual sexual intercourse."

"Is this what you were talking about earlier, Ranma?" Kasumi asked.

Ranma blushed and nodded.

"That's an interesting analogy, Ranma-kun," Kimiko mused. "I would have expected you to use 'Step A, B and C' like most Japanese teenagers, myself. You know? Kissing, Foreplay, Intercourse? Where did you learn this bases thing?"

"Okinawa," Ranma answered. "Some American marines used to work out at a dojo Pops and I were staying at when I was twelve."

"Was this when you got to second base, Ranma-san?"

Ranma nodded.

"How about to third base, Ranma-kun?"

Ranma nodded again.

"My, you sure were an early starter, Saotome." Nabiki drawled.

"Which makes your earlier reaction to Kasumi-san confusing, Ranma-san," Ronichiro commented. "It was like you were hesitant to touch Kasumi-san, reluctant even. If it wasn't for your climax I might even suspect that you didn't like women. Unless… it was Kasumi-san you didn't like."

-----

"Are you freakin' nuts?!" Ranma exploded. "Of course I like Kasumi. A guy'ld hafta be dead or blind not to notice how hot she is! Who wouldn't wanna be able to make out with her?"

"Really, Ranma?" Kasumi asked with a pleased happy-smile on her face. "I didn't know that you thought I was hot. I'm so glad that you like me!"

"Then what was the matter, Ranma-kun? Why did your behavior change as radically as Ronichiro says it did?"

Ranma mumbled quietly. The only words they could make out were: "…see her naked… think I'm a pervert… Akane…"

"I think I may know the reason, Kimiko-chan."

"Can you please explain it to me then, Kasumi-chan?"

"Ranma and Akane's courtship has not been a… tranquil one. In fact, it has been punctuated by several incidents and misunderstandings that have sometimes resulted in violent attacks. And Ranma is usually the target of those attacks."

"So I gathered from those contracts and the penalty clauses that Nabiki-chan introduced. But how does that explain his behavior?"

"At the time of their betrothal, Akane was having some intimacy issues. I'm afraid that when Nabiki and I pushed her on Ranma, she reacted poorly. She projected some of her own fears and insecurities on Ranma and took to 'punishing' him for what she imagined or perceived were indecent or improper actions. I'm afraid that Ranma may have associated participating in any act of intimacy as being socially unacceptable and thus meriting punishment."

"I'm afraid that this is going to be a problem." **(Sigh)** "Are you sure that you would rather we didn't re-cast his role, Kasumi-chan? Maybe we could ask Mousse-kun or even hold new auditions…"

"NO!" Came the response from Ranma, Kasumi and Nabiki.

"There's no way I'm gonna let Mousse or some other man do this to Kasumi!"

"…"

"Do you mean that, Ranma? I'm so glad! I'd really rather not be doing this with anyone else myself."

"I'm really happy for you, sis," Nabiki chuckled. "Besides, the parents would freak if we brought in anybody else. It would ruin everything."

"…"

"I'm afraid that using Mousse in that role would upset our relationship with the Amazons and would mire us in their internal politics." Nabiki explained _Not to mention it would void certain 'agreements' I've made with Cologne._

"Then I guess we have no choice. Is there anything that can be done to help Ranma-kun get over this fear of intimacy?" Kimiko asked plaintively.

"I… may have a few ideas. Since we have no further scenes for this afternoon, would you mind taking me out for a walk in the park, Ranma? I think it would be better if we could talk in a more natural environment." _Not to mention a more private one._

"I'm curious though, sis. When did you stop calling him 'Ranma-kun' and just 'Ranma'?"

"Why ever since we got to 'third base', Nabiki," Kasumi answered with a bright smile. "After all, it would be hypocritical for iinazuke to address each other so formally after becoming so intimate."

**End Chapter 3.**

-----

**Author's Notes:** I think that this is a good place to end for now. I'm not too fond of cliff-hangers myself; but in all honesty this is more of a stepping-stool rather than a cliff. The plot is developing nicely and the promised smut has started to make an appearance.

Structurally, I'm going to devote one part of each following chapter to events in the studio, the other part to events in the dojo or in Nerima-at-large. Interludes will bridge the two parts with scenes from the production-side of this movie. I have to give my OC's something to do besides shouting "Cut!"

You do remember that I said everyone will be OOC back in chapter 1? Well I've been having fun trying to stay as much in canon as I can. It would be easy to just throw in a _deus ex machina_ thingy and go straight to the lemon. But smut appeals to me more if there is a plot. I hope that you agree.

My thanks go again to the people at TFF for their comments and inspiration.

**--oO0Oo--**

**Deleted Scene Omake 4:**

**_Kazumi:_**

_(Demurely.)_

_"Karawayo?"_

**_---_**

**_Ran-sensei:_**

_(Sneers and gestures abruptly.)_

_"Proceed."_

**_---_**

**_Kazumi:_**

_(Removes blouse, skirt, camisole, slip, bra, then underpants.)_

**_---_**

Ranma kept his cool with a weakened 'Soul of Ice'. This actually helped the scene as his character was supposed to remain impassive in the face of a nervously sweating Ms. Kazumi.

He nearly lost his cool after Kasumi took off her outer clothes and proceeded to remove her camisole. He silently sighed in relief as he saw that she was wearing some sort of halter beneath her bra. He almost lost it again as she removed her bra to reveal that said halter, while of a lighter blue color than his cock-sock, was sheer, semi-transluscent and skintight. It was so skintight that it molded to the undersides and contours of her breasts; providing cover but absolutely no support whatsoever. Not that Kasumi was in any need of support, the halter was transluscent enough that he could confidently affirm that Kasumi's bras were definitely not padded. The halter was also sheer enough that he could see that despite the hot lights, Kasumi must be feeling somewhat chilly. Her panties followed, and he saw that he was wearing a blue T-back beneath them.

**_Kazumi:_**

_(Smiles nervously then approaches Ran-sensei.)_

_Sensei, please. May I undress you?_

**_---_**

**_Ran-sensei:_**

_(Nods.)_

_"You may."_

**_---_**

-----

**Let's-bring-up-the-heat! Omake:**

**_Kazumi:_**

_(Removes blouse, skirt, camisole, slip, bra, then underpants.)_

**_---_**

Ranma kept his cool with a weakened 'Soul of Ice'. This actually helped the scene as his character was supposed to remain impassive in the face of a nervously sweating Ms. Kazumi.

He nearly lost his cool after Kasumi took off her outer clothes and proceeded to remove her camisole. He silently sighed in relief as he saw that she was wearing some sort of halter beneath her bra. He almost lost it again as she removed her bra to reveal that said halter, while of a lighter blue color than his cock-sock, was sheer, semi-transluscent and skintight. It was so skintight that it molded to the undersides and contours of her breasts; providing cover but absolutely no support whatsoever. Not that Kasumi was in any need of support, the halter was transluscent enough that he could confidently affirm that Kasumi's bras were definitely not padded. The halter was also sheer enough that he could see that despite the hot lights, Kasumi must be feeling somewhat chilly. Which was strange as the rest of her body was coated in a light sheen of sweat. Even her breasts had drops of sweat… running down to the tips of her nip… _WTF?!_

"Ah, Ka-- Kasumi? What kinda top are ya wearin'?"

"Cut!," Ronichiro called out with a disappointed sigh. _I really shouldn't have let Nabiki talk me into this,_ he mused.

"Oh this isn't a top, Ranma-kun. It's body make-up. Nabiki said the lights would be too hot for me to wear a latex halter. I'm glad I listened to her."

"…"

"Oh my! Why are you suddenly sweating like that, Ranma-kun? Perhaps the heat is getting to you. Here, let me help you out of that kimono…"

-----

**Hello-to-the-4channers-reading-this Omake:**

He nearly lost his cool after Kasumi took off her outer clothes and proceeded to remove her camisole. He started to worry as she took off her bra, but calmed as he saw that she was wearing some sort of white stick-on demi-cups beneath her bra. He failed to notice that said demi-cups only covered, at most, a third of the bottoms of her breasts. He could be forgiven for failing to notice, as Kasumi dropped her panties to reveal…

"Ah, Ka-- Kasumi? What kinda panties are those?"

"Cut!," Ronichiro called out with a disappointed sigh. _I really shouldn't have let Nabiki talk me into this,_ he mused.

"This is something Nabiki made, Ranma-kun. Do you like it?"

'It' was white. A plastic rectangle about three-and-a-half by one centimeters. A thin white plastic cord was plugged into the bottom and ran between Kasumi's legs. As she turned to model the back of her 'panties', Ranma noted that the cord ran up between her cheeks. It split into two thinner cords that looped over her hips to meet behind the top of the rectangle that was thus suspended. The entire thing barely covered her naughty bits, and clearly showed that Kasumi used bikini wax.

"Wha-- What is it?"

"It's an MP3 player, Saotome"

"Why'd anyone wear one 'down there'?"

"Ranma-baby, if you place the earpieces in the 'right' spot and keep the right music looping, the finale to the '1812 Overture' say, at high volume… Let's just say that if your girl-side were to do that, there's no way that you'd be nervous about making this movie." Nabiki smirked. "It's also going to be Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo's costume."

"Why… Where… How did you ever come up with this idea?!" Ranma shrieked.

"Oh, it wasn't her idea, Ranma-kun."

Ranma turned frightened eyes towards the eldest Tendo. _There's NO WAY Kasumi thought this up!_

"As much as I would like to claim the patent for this idea, Saotome, somebody else posted it on the internet."

"…"

"Yes, I found it on the 4chan /b/ board, Ranma-baby. Somebody else thought up the iThong before I did."

-----

**Author's Notes:** "Karawayo?" – Roughly translates to "Shall I take off my clothing?" Usually said by girls as a prelude to sex.

The 1812 Overture – The better performances of this piece of classical music have real cannons in the background firing in counterpoint to the finale. BOSE used this piece when they demonstrated their bass speakers over 10 years ago. A lit match placed in front of the speakers was extinguished when the cannon fire played. I tried it myself and was impressed. Now imagine playing that in an iThong.

iThong – I first came across it on 4chan, although I'm not sure of which board. I just thought that it would make sense for Nabiki to be a /b/tard. Apparently, somebody actually made a product with this name and is selling it on the internet as a thong with a pouch for an iPod, instead of the modified iPod shuffle as described above. If anyone out there got one for Christmas (or makes one up on their own), and decides to follow Nabiki's advice… be sanitary! And get yourself a second set of earpieces.

-----

Please review.

**--oO0Oo--**


	4. Chapter 4, Part 1

**The Devil in Miss Tendo**

A Ranma ½ fanfic

by avis de rapina

**--oO0Oo--**

**Chapter 4: (Avast! Heyre Thar Be Lemuns! ...Or there should have been. Lemon version will be on MMO.)**

"Speech"

_Thoughts_

'Titles / Quotes in speech or thoughts'

EMPHASIS

**Sound effects**

_(Script Directions)_

-----

**Disclaimer Free Verse(?): **

_Feh! No rhymes today._

_And so I must now disclaim_

_In bastard free verse:_

_For this, fame might be my due…_

_But not money nor lawsuits._

(Sometimes my muse doesn't… Hold on now_. 5-7-5 / 7-7…_ Hmmm. A tanka, perhaps?)

-----

**Summary:** Ranma's first scenes with Kasumi didn't come out all that well. He was fine until Kasumi changed into her working clothes. That and Kasumi's willingness to get into her role led to a little… wardrobe malfunction. The post-mortem has brought up his Pavlovian conditioning to being in intimate situations. The movie's in trouble unless he can get over his hang-up. Kasumi's volunteered to help him out. Ranma's really fortunate to have such a caring iinazuke. Iinazuke? Hey! How did that happen?

-----

**Previously: **"I'm afraid that this is going to be a problem." **(Sigh)** "Are you sure that you would rather we didn't re-cast his role, Kasumi-chan? Maybe we could ask Mousse-kun or even hold new auditions…"

"NO!" Came the response from Ranma, Kasumi and Nabiki.

"There's no way I'm gonna let Mousse or some other man do this to Kasumi!"

"Do you mean that, Ranma? I'm so glad! I'd really rather not be doing this with anyone else myself."

"I'm really happy for you, sis," Nabiki chuckled. "Besides, the parents would freak if we brought in anybody else. It would ruin everything."

"Then I guess we have no choice. Is there anything that can be done to help Ranma-kun get over this fear of intimacy?" Kimiko asked plaintively.

"I… may have a few ideas. Since we have no further scenes for this afternoon, would you mind taking me out for a walk in the park, Ranma? I think it would be better if we could talk in a more natural environment."

"I'm curious though, sis. When did you stop calling him 'Ranma-kun' and just 'Ranma'?"

"Why ever since we got to 'third base', Nabiki," Kasumi answered with a bright smile. "After all, it would be hypocriticical for iinazuke to address each other so formally after becoming so intimate."

-----

**Part I:**

Ranma escorted Kasumi out of the building, totally oblivious to the look that Nabiki was aiming at Kasumi. He was otherwise preoccupied with figuring out what to say to Kasumi. Just what do you say to a woman after you've spunked her in the face and she then declared that she's now your fiancée in place of her sister?

He was in a no-win situation. Not only had he admitted that he liked Kasumi, she had admitted that she was happy that he liked her! He would be all sorts of heel if he took back what he said and made Kasumi feel bad about herself.

"Ranma?"

Plus they did make-out, of sorts. Sure it was called for in the script. But there was no denying that he was safe at third. That butt plug scene alone guaranteed that. He did have to use his finger before inserting the dummy plug.

"Ranma?"

But that fellatio scene! He'd honestly thought that Kasumi would only mime going down on him. He never imagined she'd actually grab him, caress him, fondle him, lick him… She'd even been willing to put him in her mouth! Sure, he was wearing that sock-thingy. But considering how it disintegrated when he… when he… _I'm a dead man._

"Raaanma…"

_Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo are gonna kill me for what I did… And Nabiki has the proof that I did do… what I did… I'm a dead, poor man. It isn't fair! I'm almost eighteen. I'm gonna die young… poor… and still a virgin! This is sooo unfair!_

**(Smoochie!)**

"Ka-- Kasumi?" Ranma put his hand to his lips.

"Honestly, Ranma," Kasumi pouted. "I've been trying to get your attention for the last two blocks! A girl could almost think that you weren't even aware you had company. Now, what could you have been thinking of to make you act like that?"

"I'm gonna die a virgin."

Kasumi blushed. "Somehow, I rather doubt that, Ranma."

"I mean I'm gonna die soon! Mebbe once we get back to the dojo. Once Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo find out what happened… Once Nabiki tells 'em what happened when we…"

"Nabiki's not going to tell them anything, Ranma." Kasumi sighed as she led the way into Shakujii Park.

"Why wouldn't she? She always did something like that whenever something like this happened! …Not that anything like THIS ever happened before, I mean. That's to say…"

"Hush now, Ranma. You're starting to babble."

"…"

Kasumi giggled as she led the way to an empty bench. "I wish you could see just how cute you look right now, Ranma. I never imagined I'd ever have a 'cute' fiancé."

Ranma sweatdropped. "A-- About that, Kasumi. Are you really serious about havin' me as a fiancé? I mean, what about Akane?"

"Ranma, can you honestly tell me that you wanted to marry Akane the other week? If you were then why did you leave her at the altar?"

"Are you kidding me? I never said I wouldn't marry that…"

Kasumi waited patiently.

"Besides there was the Nanniichuan water!"

"Was that the real reason, Ranma? Didn't you tell Akane that you just stopped caring about the curse? That you thought your girl side was always a part of you? That it probably wasn't a curse to begin with?"

"…"

"Didn't you think that if the guide sent you some water once, he could do it again? There was no need to not go through with the wedding."

"B-- But aren't we too young to get married?"

"People have gotten married at much younger ages. Some have even become parents at a younger age without ever getting married. You were old enough to fight someone to the death a month before the wedding. That sounds like you're old enough to make that kind of decision, Ranma."

"But that was different!"

"Was it, Ranma? That was not the first time that you've risked the rest of your life for the sake of another. In some ways that does not differ much from marriage."

"But what about Akane? Isn't she supposed to be my fiancée?"

"Do you love her, Ranma? Enough to marry her, raise a family and spend the rest of your lives together?"

"I-- I don't know, Kasumi. I think… I thought I might be."

"But?"

"But I wasn't sure… if she was."

**(Sigh)** "And that's the problem right there, Ranma. After all this time, Akane still hasn't made up her mind. At first we thought that she had finally admitted her feelings for you, but she fell back on her old habit of treating you as a prize to be won… or to be bought-off with a bribe."

Ranma looked at Kasumi intently. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had had some of those same suspicions but he had denied them to himself. But this was KASUMI! When did she become so perceptive; why was she, of all people, saying this about her own sister?

"Kasumi, what brought all this about? Why are you saying these things about Akane?"

"Do you think I'm lying or making this up, Ranma?"

"No… It's just not… what I thought I'd ever hear you say… about Akane."

"Don't get me wrong, Ranma. I do love Akane, very much. But as Nabiki said, we can no longer afford all the destruction your fights with your rivals and among the fiancées bring to our home. We had hoped that you, Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo had come to an understanding. But if Akane still has not come to a decision as to her future with you, or if you cannot choose from among the three of them on your own, then Nabiki and I must step in and bring peace until you do."

"By becoming my fiancée? You saw what happened when they thought I was marrying Akane. What do you think they'll do if they find out I'm engaged to you?"

"You say that like being engaged to me is a bad thing," Kasumi mock-pouted.

"Are you kidding? It's terrific!"

Kasumi beamed.

"That's the problem. Shampoo and Ucchan will know they don't stand a chance against you. They tried explosives on me and Akane. Who knows what they'll do when they think I'm fallin' for you!"

**(Smoochie!)**

"Tha-- That's not gonna help, Kasumi."

**(Smoochie!)**

"Any more complaints?"

"No, ma'am!"

**(Smoochie!)**

"Gee. Get a room, you two!" Nabiki chuckled.

"Gaah!"

"Spoilsport!"

"Sorry, nee-chan, but we'd better get back home. We have to catch the others before they go back to their restaurants."

"Oh crap! I AM gonna die a virgin!"

"…"

"Now whatever could have made you say that, Saotome?"

"You're gonna tell Akane, Shampoo and Ucchan about what happened this afternoon. They're gonna kill me as soon as you tell them!"

"Well… we could take care of the virgin part before we get home."

"NABIKI!"

"Sheesh! You're so jumpy, Saotome. Maybe I should bring you to a love hotel and work off some of that nervous energy."

"Now, now, Nabiki. It isn't nice to tease our fiancé that way."

"Wait a minute. 'OUR fiancé'? What's goin' on?"

"What's going on, Ranma, is that since you didn't marry Akane the other week and since Akane keeps denying the engagement, she is no longer the exclusive candidate to fulfill the Tendo-Saotome pact. If I am a valid fiancée then so is Nabiki."

"…"

"Nicely put, sis."

**(Sigh)** "Take his left side, Nabiki. I've got his right."

-----

Ranma regained his senses on the walk back through Furinkan-cho. It was a very pleasant way to do so, with two admittedly attractive and definitely very well-developed women latched-on to his sides. Ordinarily such a sight would draw catcalls, wolf-whistles and envious stares. But this was Furinkan-cho and such a sight was expected of the young Saotome.

Actually what was expected was the inevitable catfight that occurred whenever two of the boy's fiancées employed him as a human rope in a game of tug-o-war, and the subsequent furball as the rivals pitched in.. The street rapidly cleared as shoppers fled and shopkeepers quickly brought in their wares then lowered their shutters. The distinct absence of a catfight finally brought on curious stares. Those stares quickly turned envious as the 'fiancées' in question were recognized as the elder Tendo sisters, who were glomping the young Saotome bastard in a manner that Shampoo could take lessons from. Some people had all the luck.

Ranma was definitely questioning that luck as they approached the Tendo property. If there was to be any hope of Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo not killing him for what happened that afternoon, it rested on Nabiki not telling them. He'd never been able to get anything out of Nabiki without a lot of trouble. But it would appear that for once their interests were joined. Still it was best to make sure.

"Nabiki?"

"Hmm? Yes, oh fiancé-mine?"

"You're not gonna tell them what happened earlier are you? About me and Kasumi and my 'accident' I mean?"

"Of course not, Saotome! Why would I mention anything about that?" Nabiki asked in surprise as she opened the gate.

Ranma gave a relieved sigh.

"I told you that she wouldn't tell them, Ranma." Kasumi gently chided. "That's my job."

"…"

"Oof! How about a little warning before the next time that you do that, Kasumi? I was out of position!"

"Sorry, Nabiki. So… your room or mine?"

**--oO0Oo--**

Nabiki persuaded Konatsu and Mousse to carry a newly unconscious Ranma up to Kasumi's room. They then left to serve the dinner crowds at their restaurants. Kasumi asked Happosai to ensure that the fathers didn't disturb them. He decided to bring them out to celebrate the addition of two new students to the Musabetsu Kakuto Ryuu. As he had offered to pay for a few rounds at a bar instead of ordering them to join him in a panty raid, the two 'Masters' agreed with alacrity.

The elder sisters then gathered Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo in the dining room while Cologne and Nodoka started fixing dinner and listened from the kitchen.

"So, Akane, how did your first training session go?" Kasumi asked.

"It went well, onee-chan," Akane enthused. "Uncle Genma had some comments on my technique and made a few really useful suggestions. And Daddy promised to finally teach me the kata he's been keeping to himself!"

"And did you two gain anything from your session today?" Nabiki asked Shampoo and Ukyo.

"Panda-man and Pervert-troll know really sneaky moves," Shampoo replied. "I is looking forward to tomorrow's rematch."

"I was surprised that Cologne actually agreed to teach me how to use the 'Hidden Weapons' technique," Ukyo added. "I'll definitely be glad when I learn enough to hide my spatula. Accessorizing around it is always difficult whenever I decide to dress-up."

"I am glad that this afternoon went so well for you then. We hope you realize that the continuation of this training depends upon your willingness to support us in the success of this project."

"Why does that sound like a threat, Nabiki?" Ukyo asked as her eyes narrowed. "Weren't all those contracts you made us sign enough?"

"I'm sorry if I gave offense, Ukyo-san. But in this case it is best to make sure that all of us," Nabiki glanced at the three fiancées in turn, "are absolutely clear on what we have gotten ourselves into."

Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo were struck by the seriousness of Nabiki's tone. Not to mention by her apology. That in itself was rare enough to fully bring their attention to the middle Tendo sister.

At their hesitant nods, Nabiki continued. "By signing those contracts we all agreed to be held liable for punitive damages should any of us sabotage this project. Do I need to remind you of why we found it necessary to even embark on this in the first place? …Good.

"We have asked Auntie Nodoka, Grandmaster Happosai and Elder Cologne to offer you these training sessions in addition to whatever profit we'll make from these movies as an incentive for your willing participation in this project."

"But why would they be so willing to do this for us, Nabiki?" Akane interrupted. "I could understand Happosai teaching me 'Anything Goes'. But why Shampoo and Ukyo? For that matter, why would Cologne agree to teach us anything? She always had some reason for teaching Ranma or Ryoga her techniques."

"They have all agreed to this training for one simple reason," Nabiki explained. "Ranma. He is Auntie Nodoka's only son. He is the acknowledged heir to Grandfather Happosai's School. And he…"

"He is a hero to the Joketsuzoku," Cologne interrupted as she brought out the tea. "He not only soundly defeated the Lords of the Musk and of the Phoenix in their turns; he also did so without permanent loss of life. That last fact has made it possible for our three tribes to finally approach each other in peace. As a result of his actions, I have been directed by our Council of Elders to make what offers I can to peacefully ally him with our people. Preferably by blood."

"If that's true," Ukyo questioned, "then why did you agree to teach US?" She indicated herself and Akane.

"I decided to teach all of you for the same reason that Happi did. Whichever one of you Ranma chooses to marry should be able to stand by his side as an equal and hold her own against all challengers. Besides, it is my hope that all of you agree to join our tribe. That way we not only get to bring Ranma into the Joketsuzoku by blood as well as by alliance, we also gain new members who will bring their own skills into our tribe."

"Does this mean you not only plan to bring Ranma back to China with you, but us as well?" Ukyo asked incredulously.

"Not at all, Ukyo-san. We do not plan to 'bring' any of you anywhere by force. We but hope that you will accept our sincere invitation to visit us on a regular basis. We do not expect you to give up your Japanese citizenship, nor do we even ask you to live with us at Nichezu. As allies or as Ranma's family, you and your children will be free to come and go. We only ask that you consider us as part of your extended families and give aid and shelter to our people as need arises and to the extent that you are able. As we would give you shelter and aid should you require it. Surely that is a reasonable exchange for learning what we have to offer?"

Akane and Ukyo were stunned into silence. They were blown away by the generosity of Cologne's offer; yet they could not doubt the sincerity in her eyes. This was… unexpected. A thought struck them simultaneously, and they turned questioningly to Shampoo.

Shampoo acknowledged the doubt in their eyes and sighed. "Is true. Great-grandmother show Shampoo letter from Council last week. Was too late. Ai-- Ranma already mad at Shampoo for attacking wedding with celebratory meat-buns. Since Ranma forgive Shampoo after I promise no attack Ranma friends, I agree to Snea-- to Nabiki's plans. Maybe is last chance to make Ranma love Shampoo. If no win Ranma's heart, at least will lose to tribe-sister." **(Sniff!) **A tear leaked out of the corner of her eye.

Akane and Ukyo finally turned back to Cologne and nodded their heads in reply to her earlier question.

After a pause, Nabiki resumed her explanation. "We," she indicated herself and Kasumi, "hope that by working together for the success of this project you will all enter into a new relationship with each other and with Ranma. One that will hopefully lack the level of destruction that marked all of your previous disagreements. In fact it is our hope that you all will no longer fight among yourselves outside of training or a sparring session."

Once again the three fiancées looked among themselves, nodded and bowed their assent.

"That is good." Kasumi re-entered the conversation. "Because this afternoon's shooting did not turn out as well as your training sessions."

"What happened? Did that pervert try… to…" Akane trailed off at Kasumi's frown. A frown that was mirrored on Cologne and Ukyo's faces. Nabiki's face held a sad smile as she shook her head. Shampoo's face was partly hidden behind her hand, but she was clearly smothering a giggle.

"Gomen… Old habits are hard to break. I will try to do better in the future."

"No, student. 'Try' not. 'Do'. Or 'do not'. There is no 'try'." Cologne pontificated.

"Ha-- Hai, sensei!" Akane blushingly replied. _I hope Cologne doesn't keep speaking like Yoda._

_Aiyah!_ Shampoo thought. _Great-grandmother watch too too much American movie again._

"No, Akane," Kasumi chided as Akane cringed. "If anything, Ranma was not perverted enough."

"What?!" Nodoka cried as she stormed out of the kitchen. "I thought that he was a MANLY man! How could he 'not be perverted enough'? …and not perverted enough for YOU, Kasumi-chan?" She started to finger her katana's pommel.

"Oh my, Auntie! He's certainly manly enough." Kasumi licked her lips sensuously. "I did stay through his photo session long enough to make sure of THAT."

"Although he was somewhat reluctant to get an erection right away," Nabiki mused. "If I hadn't started to suck that banana and offer to do that to him, I don't know how long it would have taken him to finally show us how much of a man the 'Wild Horse of Nerima' is." _Not that I minded the view._

"No, Auntie, Ranma if anything was too much the gentleman. And in this case that is not a good thing."

Akane, who had started to glower at Nabiki's comments, cringed again as Kasumi continued.

"He seemed afraid that someone would hurt him for seeing me in simulated nudity. His acting turned wooden once I removed my outer clothes. He was most reluctant to touch me in the manner that the script required."

The fiancées hurriedly dug through their copies of the script; while Nodoka's grip re-tightened on her sword.

"He did relax eventually, and we were able to finish half of our scenes. But when he accidentally ejaculated he was too embarrassed to continue…"

"WHAT!" the fiancées exclaimed as Nodoka broke out her fans and danced.

Up in Kasumi's room a comatose, pigtailed martial artist sweatdropped, big time.

-----

Later that evening, Ranma woke to a loud rumbling sound. It was his stomach. Waking up hungry was an experience that he was long used to, as was waking up in unfamiliar surroundings. Waking up in a comfortable bed was a rarity though. But waking up hungry, in an unfamiliar room, in an unfamiliar GIRL'S room, in a comfortable bed, covered in a floral-print blanket, and dressed only in his boxers was definitely new to his experience. Not unexpected though given his history; but the identity of this room's owner was beyond anything he'd expected.

After discovering his state of dress he quickly jumped out of bed. Not seeing Kasumi in bed, he quickly checked for a wet spot and sighed deeply with relief on failing to find any. _I always thought that when this happened to me I'd be either in Shampoo or Kodachi's bed… mebbe Ucchan's. Whoda figured I'd wake up like this in Kasumi's room? This must be Nabiki's idea of a joke. Sometimes I swear she must be tryin' to kill… me…_

Memories of that afternoon's 'accident' and the news that he had just 'acquired' both Kasumi and Nabiki as new fiancées came back to him. _Crap! I'm dead. Kasumi did say that she was gonna tell 'em about this afternoon now, didn't she?_ His stomach grumbled once more. He sighed, reached for his clothes, dressed, exited the room and headed for the enticing aroma coming from the dining room. _Oh well. The condemned man might as well try and get to eat his last meal._

-----

Less than an hour before Ranma awoke his fate was being decided _in absentia._

"WHAT!" the fiancées exclaimed as Nodoka broke out her fans and danced.

"It was most distressing," Kasumi continued. "I had so looked forward to doing that blowjob scene all day. Pity we didn't get to finish properly."

"…"

Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo facefaulted. They were not prepared for Kasumi to say that.

Nodoka rushed back into the kitchen. She was cackling something about preparing Ranma's favorites… and adding oysters to the menu.

"KASUMI!!"

"Oh honestly, Akane, did you forget that we are acting in movies that will be rotoscoped into ero anime? Of course we will be acting out all kinds of sex scenes. Ranma and nee-chan would be in all sorts of intimate positions, as will all of us in turn. Does it surprise you that he would lose control at being that close to a woman as hot as Kasumi? He IS still a virgin, remember? Their control is notoriously spotty."

The fiancées quieted down at that. Shampoo and Ukyo fixated on Nabiki's promise that they too would soon find themselves 'in all sorts of intimate positions' in sex scenes with Ranma. They acknowledged that Kasumi was attractive, but thought that they were fairly smoking themselves. They began to make plans to help relieve Ranma of his (and their) pesky virginity issue.

Akane was likewise intrigued with the idea of helping Ranma out. Something Kasumi said however would just not leave her thoughts.

'O-- onee-chan? What did you mean that you were looking forward to that scene all day? Why would you want to do that… with Ranma?"

"Why, I meant just what I said, Akane. You must admit that Ranma is quite the handsome and physically well-developed young man. Not only is he a remarkable piece of eye-candy, he's also rather sweet. We often talk while he helps me in the kitchen on mornings that he can dunk Uncle Genma in the pond without getting wet himself. And he always runs my errands or helps me around the house when he has the time."

Akane was silent. The entire concept of 'eye-candy' struck her as more appropriately used in describing Kasumi rather than Kasumi herself describing someone else, least of all Ranma.

Ukyo had a sinking feeling, and was not one to just ignore it. "I agree that he's that and all…but why would you be interested in him?"

"Is that so strange, Ukyo? I've been interested in him since he rescued me from Toma's island, if not before. He did save me from a fall once. When Ranma did that with Nabiki she became his fiancée for a while. After all he's done for me and for my family, why wouldn't I be interested in him?"

"But didn't you say that younger men bored you? I thought his curse disturbed you! Wasn't that why you pushed me to become his fiancée?"

"It's true. I was startled by his curse when we first saw it… and that was part of why I passed on the engagement. However time has allowed me to get to know him better and I can see what a good man he is slowly becoming. Other things in my life have also changed. If I were to be given that chance all over again…

"Besides the one word that can definitely not be used to describe Ranma's life is 'boring'."

"Nice-girl go after Ranma now also?" Shampoo asked with a sinking heart. _This too too hard enemy to fight. Cannot kill… I make Ranma promise… _"What else go wrong now?"

"Ah…" Eyes turned to Nabiki.

"Not you too!" Akane wailed.

"Sorry, Akane. But you have to admit he's quite the catch."

"You only want him for his body and whatever money you can make off it!" Akane spat.

"Not so, sis. I also want him for his mind as well."

"…"

Nabiki snorted. "Don't tell me that you never wondered how someone with as irregular an attendance record as Ranma had during his trip not only managed to pass Furinkan High's entrance exam but also keeps from flunking out with all the things he has had to do?"

"…"

**(Sigh)** "He's smarter than he lets on. He's practically a genius, and not just at fighting. Sure he may come up with really harebrained schemes but haven't you noticed that he almost always pulls them off? And don't forget how easy it is for him to learn a new technique and adapt it for either of his forms; that clearly shows he's capable of being more than we assume. I want to discover just what he's hiding behind that rough way of speech. I'd swear he's only talking that way to make people underestimate him. Kami, he only started saying 'mebbe' since you've returned from China!

"Given how hot both of his forms are, knowing he's hiding how smart he is really turns me on. If I'd been rescued by Ranma as often as you three have in the past and loved him then as much as you claimed to, I'd have screwed him silly months ago and dragged him to the nearest wedding chapel before he could walk again!"

"B-- But why are you two going after him now? I'm the one you pushed to become his fiancée!"

"You're also the one who resisted being his fiancée the most, Akane," Kasumi said gently. "Your 'wedding' the other week was your best chance to show him that you truly loved him. Instead you tried to get him to admit his feelings first; then you and Daddy tried to bribe him into marrying you with the Nanniichuan water. If you don't want to marry him then you no longer have to. Nabiki or I will eagerly take your place. You've rejected the engagement more times than I can count and you've also hit him for whatever reason for even more times than that."

"He deserved it! He was always acting like a per…"

"…"

"He wasn't, was he?"

"No, he wasn't, Akane. I'm glad that you can now admit that."

"Oh kami, Kasumi! I've lost him haven't I?"

"I don't think you've lost him just yet, imouto-chan. You've hurt him. In our ways we all have. Yet he's still with us. He has not rejected our friendship. Nor will he reject an offer of love from one of us. We just have to convince him that that offer is sincere, with no strings attached, no hidden agendas, and no pre-conditions made."

"What Nice-girl mean? You still give us chance to win Ranma? You star of this movie, why you give up advantage?"

"She means, Shampoo, that we ALL have the chance to show Ranma how much we truly care about him," Nabiki replied. "That way he can choose whom among us he wants to spend the rest of his life with. If we were to treat him as a prize to be won or a fool to be manipulated, we would have only ourselves to blame were he to choose another."

"And what of family honor?"

"That is a poor weapon to threaten him with, Ukyo. Besides our actions in the past have already stained our honor. The profits from this project would make a reasonable compensation."

"So… we just start over? Ask Ranma to forgive and forget everything we've done to him for the past year? Do we ask him to forget all the good times as well?"

"Oh my, of course not, Akane. Don't be so bitter. I'm sure Ranma will always treasure the good times. He's had so few of them before he came here. If anything, he's had them with you the most of any of us.

"No, we ask him to forgive us for hurting him, mistrusting him, ignoring him, manipulating him, treating him like he had no choices in his life… We ask for all that and we show him why we deserve that forgiveness. We thank him for everything he's ever done for any of us. We promise to support him with whatever he plans to do with his life, and we pray to the kami that he'll include us in it."

Akane's mood lightened.

"Plus, we also get to make out with our hot fiancé in both his forms for the duration of the next five movies."

"…"

"Think of it as 'method acting', Akane-chan."

-----

The conversation ended as they heard Ranma trudge down the stairs. They awaited his entry with eager anticipation.

Ranma entered the room with all the enthusiasm of the guest of honor at a state execution. His eyes were downcast and his head bowed. He kept his hands together before him in the manner of one whose hands were tied. This incidentally was the universal hand position of any male entering a room full of females who were likely and expected to hit him in the 'nads at any moment.

Unfortunately the first female who made contact with him was his own mother.

"There he is. My manly, MANLY SON! Wai! You have made me so happy, Ranma. Having sex with Kasumi-chan even before she agreed to become your fourth fiancée. Wai! And getting engaged to Nabiki-chan too. When will you have sex with her? Is tonight too soon? Wai!"

"Mooooomm!"

**--oO0Oo--**

Dinner was strange. Ranma had expected Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo to react to the news that both Kasumi and Nabiki were now his fiancées. He'd expected them to kill him when the news that he had had 'sex' with Kasumi came out. Nodoka's expectation that he'd have sex with Nabiki that evening, he thought, just raised the number of pieces the three of them would tear him to.

He honestly never thought that the founding members of the 'fiancée brigade' would react the way they did. Shampoo and Ukyo just blushed at Nodoka's question and made comments about having 'dibs'. Instead of hitting him they just led him to the middle of the table and sat on either side. They then made noises about how they couldn't wait for their turns with him in front of the camera. Akane, instead of punishing him, just stammered apologies and knelt across from him. The three then seemed to compete in trying to feed him all the food that Cologne and Nodoka kept bringing out. The _piece de résistance_ was some dish made up of raw oysters marinated in vinegar, red onions, salt, chili and black pepper. He was sure that Akane was trying to poison him; but Kasumi recognized the Filipino dish that his mother had so proudly made. As poisoning him was now out, it was obvious that the three were planning to kill him with kindness.

All five of the girls taking turns to kiss him goodnight was just too much. Once his mother, Ukyo and the Amazons made their goodbyes, he promptly disappeared to one of his favorite hiding places to think over the events of the past three days. He thought that no one would be eager enough to look for him there.

-----

**Thunk.** A ladder leaned against the edge of the Tendos' roof. Apparently someone was.

"Ranma?"

"Over here, Kasumi."

The eldest Tendo sister made her way to his side and sat beside him. "What are you doing out here by yourself?"

"Thinking. I didn't realize that you knew I come up here."

"I'm not THAT oblivious, Ranma. I do know some things about you."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that… Just like I figured that there's a lot of stuff that I don't know about you, Kasumi."

"Well then, the best way to deal with that is to ask me. That's what an engagement is for anyway; for a couple to get to know one another before they get married. So let's talk and get to know more about whom Ranma and Kasumi really are."

"…I've really misjudged you, haven't I, Kasumi? There really is more to you than the homemaker you've been pretending to be."

**(Sigh)** "Not by much, Ranma. And that was as I had intended at the time. I am a homemaker and I love my role; I love taking care of my family… I just didn't want to let anybody else have a chance to hurt me again."

"…"

"Nabiki told me that she heard Akane tell you about my first crush this morning."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"Don't be. It's old news and I got over that hurt long ago. It's just that for a while I was too afraid to open myself up like that again."

"What happened to change your mind?"

"A wonderful man fell in love with me."

"Are you talkin' about…"

"Ono Tofu? Yes I am. It was kind of hard not to notice his infatuation. Once I got over the shock of somebody actually falling for me, I discovered that I liked it. He was skilled, successful in his chosen field, attractive and not too much older than me. When I told him that I was flattered by his attention he started acting silly. I honestly found it cute. It only happened when we were face-to-face. When we were on the phone we could actually hold real conversations; we'd talk about all kinds of things, mostly about the books he lent me. But when we spoke in person… Finally, he left this February to look for help with his condition."

"What happened then?"

"…"

"Is what you said to Cologne this morning what happened, Kasumi? There was no mention about a baby on the way in the lines Mousse read this morning. Did the doc…"

"Nabiki was right, Ranma. You are smarter than you let others think."

"…"

"…"

"So why did you want to take-up the engagement, Kasumi? You didn't want to when I first arrived. Mebbe this is just you bein' on the rebound…"

"No!"

"…"

"No, there's more to it than that, Ranma. I must admit that your curse did throw me for a loop when you first arrived; that and the way I pushed you onto Akane because of it are things that I will always be sorry for. By the time you arrived, Tofu and I already had an understanding. Though we never let anyone know, we were 'at bat' as you would say. His condition couldn't let him get to any base with me, but he never struck-out. We never made any real plans; but I couldn't accept the engagement then.

"When I received his letter last month I was devastated. His mother finally grew tired of waiting for him to propose to me. He married the youngest daughter of her best friend this spring. He finally wrote to me when he learned that she was pregnant. I honestly thought of killing myself like Miss Jones did in the original movie; I just couldn't do it at the time, not when we were all worried about Akane being kidnapped and you leaving to rescue her.

"By the time Kimiko contacted me I was feeling better. I still hurt but I was no longer depressed. She wanted me to cater lunches for them; but when I met Ronichiro, he persuaded me to try for the part. What happened at the wedding was what finally convinced me to take them up on the offer; but like I told you this afternoon, I'd really rather not do this with anyone else. In fact, I won't do this with anyone other than you!"

"But why me, Kasumi? Why'd you wanna be with me for a fiancé?"

"Aside from family honor, Ranma? There are a lot of reasons. It will be my pleasure to convince you of the fact that you are a very desirable young man who is very much deserving of love and affection. But first…"

"But first?"

"Could we continue this inside, Ranma? It's kind of nippy out here and I'm only wearing a light blouse."

"Of course." Ranma tried not to think of just how 'nippy' it had gotten. Her light blouse and summer-weight brassiere afforded him two indicators of just how cold Kasumi must be feeling. _Whoa, her nipples are bigger than earlier this…_

"Ranma, are you alright? Why did you slap yourself like that?"

"Ah, umm… Just a mosquito, Kasumi."

"Oh. Could I ask you for a favor? I'm not too sure I could keep my balance in the dark. Could I ask you to help me to the ladder?"

"I'll do better than that, Kasumi." Ranma grinned. "Get ready for your first ride on 'the rooftop express'!"

With that he picked her up in his arms and leapt for the backyard.

Kasumi squealed in surprise and buried her face in his shirt.

"Kasumi? Are you OK? Did I frighten you?"

"Yes, I'm OK. And yes, you did!" She bopped him lightly on the head.

"G-- Gomen!"

"Next time give me more warning."

"Next time?"

"Well I'll certainly be getting more 'rides' with you, won't I?"

Ranma decided he didn't want to ask her just what sort of 'rides' she was looking for. She had forgiven him; it would be better to quit while he was still ahead.

"Ranma?" She put her head in his shirt once more. He may no longer be ahead.

"Y-- Yes?"

"When was the last time you took a bath?" He definitely heard a sniffing sound.

"Umm. This morning?"

"Didn't you bathe before coming down to dinner?"

He shook his head.

**(Sigh)** "Didn't you wonder why I undressed you and set out new clothes for you to wear? You're heading for the furoba right now. There's no way that my cute fiancé is going to smell of anything other than soap!"

-----

In the changing room, Akane was dressing after finishing her bath. She had had a very stressful day. On the plus side: she was finally being taken seriously as a martial artist; she was getting the sort of training she'd always wanted; and not only from her father but also from Genma, Happosai and Cologne! On the minus side: Ranma had two new fiancées; they were her own two sisters; and she had only herself to blame!

_If I had only told him I loved him. If only I didn't try to bribe him. If only I never started to hit him… and continue to do so. If… Kami, do I still deserve to have him? Do-- Does he still love me? …Did he love me? Did I make him stop?_

Her self-recriminations were interrupted as the door slid open to reveal the subject of her musings.

Ranma froze and sweatdropped. When no mallet was forthcoming, he bowed. "Gomen… there was no sign on the door." He pointed with his basin at the 'Occupied' sign on the hook beside Akane.

"No, there wasn't. It was my fault, Ranma." Akane bowed. "I just finished. Please go right in"

"Better do as she says, Ranma" Kasumi said as she came up the corridor. "If we take too long we'll keep Nabiki waiting when she returns from the studio."

"We?!" "Onee-chan?"

The two turned to regard Kasumi who was wearing a robe over a bathing suit. She was also carrying a basin full of bathing implements.

"We, Ranma. I meant what I said. You're not going to smell of anything other than soap while you stay in this house. Besides, we're iinazuke. I'll have to wash your back someday."

"But what about my curse?"

"Do you still think I haven't gotten used to it by now? Then let me prove it to you."

"Onee-chan?"

"Oh forgive me, Akane. Did you want to wash his back too?"

"That's alright, Kasumi."

"Are you sure? You could stay to chaperone me…"

Akane caught the hidden question asking her how much she trusted Ranma. "That won't be necessary, Kasumi. I know I can trust Ranma."

Ranma was stunned by Akane's answer. So stunned that he offered no resistance as Kasumi led him into the furoba and closed the door behind them.

-----

He was brought back to his senses as Kasumi took his basin, set it on the floor beside hers, hung her robe on the hook, and proceeded to pull off his shirt.

"Kasumi," he furiously whispered, "what are you doing?!"

"I'm getting ready to give my fiancé a bath. What did you think I was doing?"

Ranma blushed as he thought over what he had secretly hoped she would answer to that question.

"Don't tell me that you're shy about me seeing you unclothed; not after this afternoon? Don't forget that this won't be the first time that I've seen you nude. You never did have any feminine modesty… And I did explain what was happening when you first had your period."

Ranma struggled to remember that his native culture had a long tradition of communal bathing; and that being in the nude and being naked were two different things. Plus it was too late to be ashamed about being nude or naked before Kasumi.

"I could do it myself," he answered her.

She smiled and proceeded to sit at a stool.

"I thought you bathed at the studio," he made to question her.

"I did," she replied. "But I didn't have any shampoo with me."

He blushed as he recalled the results of his lack of control. "About that… I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it was my fault. I shouldn't have surprised you like that."

"…"

"I just couldn't help myself."

**Thud!** "Owie."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's only my head." He chuckled, "I must say, your sense of humor is definitely a pleasant surprise."

Her eyes twinkled. "Oh, I think you'll find that I'm full of surprises, Ranma."

"That's what I'm afraid of!" He laughed as he finished stripping and wrapped a towel around his waist.

"Brrrr!" he exclaimed as he poured cold water over himself and triggered the change.

"You know," Kasumi observed, "this is the closest I've been to you when you change to your girl form. I'm surprised that your breasts don't rebound when they bounce into existence just like that."

"Would you like to pour hot and cold water over me to find out? Ucchan got to do that when she learned about the curse. Maybe I should make it a standard offer for every new fiancée?"

"To watch your breasts bounce as you turn girl? Some of them might really get to like that…"

"Gaah! No I mean… There's that wicked sense of humor of yours again, Kasumi. Touché."

"And there's that intelligence you've been hiding, Ranma."

"…"

"You said 'Maybe' instead of 'Mebbe', and that was definitely a French word I heard."

"Touché again, Kasumi," Ranma laughed. "I must say that this is quite a change from usual. We should do this more often."

"Bathe together, Ranma? Well if you insist…"

"No! I… You got me again," she shook her head in mock sorrow. "Oh I must be slipping! But I wouldn't mind doing either, Kasumi."

"I'm glad to hear that, Ranma. It's a relief to be able to let go like this. I've always wanted to do this."

"To bathe with me, Kasumi? You only had to ask." This time it was her eyes that were twinkling.

Kasumi laughed long and hard. Ranma took advantage of the respite to quickly soap herself.

"Just what do you think you're doing, mister?"

"…"

"I told you that I was going to wash your back. You're not going to get out of it by doing a quick wash-up. I aim to make a proper job of it!"

**(Sigh)** "I knew it was too good to last. Go ahead; I know when I'm beaten."

She handed Kasumi her washcloth and turned to face the wall.

"Oh I'm sure that beating will play no part in this relationship, Ranma," Kasumi said as she ran the cloth thoroughly over Ranma's back. "Unless you're into that sort of thing."

"Stop it, Kasumi. I might lose my balance if I keep laughing like this."

"What makes you think that I'm kidding, Ranma? If you really are into that sort of thing I might be willing to give it a try."

"…"

"I must say though, I was proud of you with Ronichiro this afternoon"

"How's that, Kasumi?" Ranma was eager to change the subject.

"You were very relaxed about being nude in front of Ronichiro for those pictures. Most straight men would have felt uncomfortable doing that before a gay man."

"Yeah, I've gotten stared at by guys when I get splashed with cold water in the showers after gym class. I'm kinda used to standing naked in front of men that lust after me. No big. There's no way they'll ever get to do anything but look."

"Then why were you so nervous when you found out that I was also watching? Remember, I've already seen you nude before."

"Not in my guy form you haven't! Besides, you're special…"

"I'm happy you think so… As long as you mean that as a compliment. Please don't think of me as a prude or as some kind of saint. I did help write some of my lines. I'm tired of hiding who and what I am. I won't give up my role in this household, only my mask as an oblivious air-head. I have my own faults and have made my share of mistakes. I don't want to be placed on a pedestal. It's too hard to find my balance on such a narrow position."

While reflecting on this, Ranma failed to notice that Kasumi had finished soaping her back and had untied her towel. She came back to her senses as Kasumi nudged her to her feet and proceeded to soap her legs.

"Umm. I can…"

"It's faster this way. Besides we're both girls. I've done this before with Akane and Nabiki. Once I finish you can shampoo your hair."

"Oh. OK" Ranma tried to ignore the thrill as she felt Kasumi run her hands over her legs. She didn't think it was necessary for her to use her fingers as a squeegee to wipe off the excess soap from her thighs or butt. But she wasn't going to ask her to stop. Nosiree. Not with the way she was starting to feel down between her…

**(Splash!)** "Ahh!"

"I'm sorry, Ranma. It's just that with the way your thighs started trembling while I was washing them, I thought you were starting to catch a chill. I'm sorry I startled you."

"Th-- That's alright, Kasumi. I wasn't feelin' cold. I just wasn't expecting to be splashed with hot water… like that." _Hot water? Lemme see… Lower voice - check. Higher eye-level - check. Absence of upper jiggly bits - check. Presence of lower dangly bits - check. Soapy hands on said lower dangly bits - che… Hello?!_

"Well if you say that you're not feeling cold, I'll take your word for it, Ranma. I must say that there is definitely no sign of 'shrinkage' here." She continued to soap his… bits. "No shrinkage at all…"

Ranma found this extremely exciting. His bits seemed to agree and wanted to get a better look around.

"Ooh myyy… I didn't know you liked me this much, Ranma. I didn't realize how much a close-up puts things in perspective. That sock must really have been confining."

"Gaah!" In his desperation to avoid a potential malleting Ranma leapt for the ceiling. His attempt to perform Konatsu's cling-to-the-ceiling-and-hope-they-don't-look-up-and-see-that-I'm-here technique was nearly perfect. He had ignored one thing in his execution though.

**Thud!** "Owie." Ninjas who perform the cttcahtdluastih technique do not, as a rule, do so when completely covered in soapy water.

Kasumi looked down at Ranma's swirling eyes and giggled. "Honestly, Ranma. I know that you're a skilled martial artist; there's no need for you to put on a demonstration of ninja skills just to impress me. Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but three young non-blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this dojo with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded!"

Ranma sat up and started to chuckle. "I didn't know you watched 'Monty Python', Kasumi."

"Tofu did, it was in one of his books. And yourself?"

"I had to hide from Akane and Shampoo in a theater once. I thought I could relate to Sir Galahad so that quote stuck in my mind."

"So I could imagine. Why did you jump like that?"

"Umm… Would you believe a muscle spasm?"

"Pull the other one, Ranma."

**(Sigh)** "You got me. I just wanted to make sure I wouldn't get malleted."

"Akane isn't here, Ranma. And besides she knows what we're doing and didn't object… not that she has that much say in the matter."

"Gomen… Old habits, y'know?"

"Forgiven. Now come over here and let me finish what I started."

"…"

"I WILL be working in close contact with your body for the next few weeks, Ranma. So I DO have to get used to touching it, just as you will have get used to my doing so. Besides, I have an interest in making sure you keep clean. If you always soap and rinse in cold water, how often do you get to properly wash your man parts?"

"…"

"I thought so. Come on."

Ranma stood before her as Kasumi resumed her interrupted activity. He tried to maintain a stoic attitude.

"That's better, dear."

_Dear?_

"I must say that I'm surprised you trim yourself this way. I'd heard that most men didn't bother."

"Well it sort of… became necessary."

"Oh?"

"Long hair down there gets inside my girl parts when I change. I kept getting chafed."

"I'm glad you do so. I find the thought of 'fuzzy balls' disturbing. You missed a few spots though. Would you like me to do them for you?" She held up a lady's razor.

Ranma did what any red-blooded man would do when faced with a woman holding a sharp implement in the immediate vicinity of his family jewels. He gulped, smiled as sweetly as he could and said: "Pleese?"

-----

Kasumi hummed to herself as she went about her work. Aside from a twinge when she first applied her razor, Ranma had kept perfectly immobile. That was apparently no longer the case.

_Oh my! Is this the shrinkage I've heard about? Perhaps some more hot water…_

She poured. Still no change.

She glanced at Ranma's face. His eyes were scrunched and a sickly smile was plastered on it.

_The poor dear's terrified! Of me? …How delicious! Still I couldn't have him actually scared of me. That's where Akane went wrong. I wonder if I should…_

An evil grin graced her lips.

"Ka-- Kasumi?!"

"I'm just making sure that I got all the stubble, Ranma. Just hold still; I'm almost finished."

The aforementioned loss of firmness immediately reversed itself.

-----

Ranma came back to his senses as Kasumi finished shaving him.

"I must say, Ranma, that Lycra sock looked really confining. Maybe you should consider not wearing it altogether? I certainly wouldn't mind."

"Let me… think about that, Kasumi."

"OK. Now go and shampoo your hair. Be sure to use warm water."

"..."

"The 'Dragon's whisker soup' has already worn off, hasn't it? Besides your pigtail is too distinctive. You'll either have to wear wigs or give Nabiki and Ronichiro more work just to edit it out of the film."

"Alright, Kasumi."

-----

**Splash! **"I'm finished."

"Good, now it's my turn."

"Your turn? I thought you'd already finished shampooing, Ka…" Ranma turned and his eyes bugged-out.

Kasumi sat on the floor, on top of her towel, out of her bathing suit.

"It's only fair, Ranma." She said as she passed him her washcloth and razor. "I can chafe too. I was able to trim some of it with a pair of scissors earlier; but I couldn't shave myself properly just by looking in the mirror. So would you mind?" She pointed at her lower bits enticingly. "After seeing how the actress in the original movie didn't shave, I wanted to make more of a contrast."

"Ho-- How much?"

"Oh just leave a small triangle. That should be enough."

"No, how much do I pay you for doing this?"

She giggled. "That's more of what Nabiki would say… or more what she would have used to say. Just think of this as a favor for a favor. I did just take care of your shaving needs, so it's fair for you to take care of mine. Just remember that we should do this every three days if not sooner."

Ranma decided not to clarify that he meant to ask how much he should pay for Kasumi to NOT mention doing this. He thought that it was best not to rock the boat too much. Hiroshi and Daisuke would never believe that this was happening to him… without his getting killed. Best not to prove them right. Sometimes it was best just to do the job. He thought that he could enjoy this kind of work.

"So, do I just go ahead and do this or do you have a lubricant?"

Kasumi blushed at Ranma's choice of words but gamely answered. "Lubrication shouldn't be necessary if you can get me 'wet' enough… In any case here," she passed him a can. "I borrowed Father's shaving cream."

Ranma looked at the can of Gillette Arctic Ice Gel. He frowned at the warning printed regarding possible allergic reactions.

"Have you ever used this brand before?"

"No, but Nabiki swears by it. Why do you ask?"

"I think it would be best if we tried it out on some other part of your skin first, just to make sure that you're not allergic to it."

"Oh, I didn't think of that. Go ahead."

Ranma shook the can and removed the cap. He aimed the can over his fingers and pressed the button. Unfortunately he should have aimed it AT his fingers. A stream of gel shot out of the can; it bypassed his fingers and hit Kasumi.

She yelped in surprise and then started to moan.

"Kasumi! Are you alright? I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…"

"Oh, YES! I feel fine, Ranma. That sort of tickles. Do it again!"

He obliged her.

"Oh my! I wonder if this is why Nabiki always borrows this from Father…"

"…So, should I go ahead and…" Ranma pointed the can between Kasumi's legs.

"I-- I think it would be better if you aimed it at your hand then spread it yourself, Ranma. I'm a little too sensitive down there just now."

"Ahh! That's cold!"

"Sorry! Just let me finish this; I'll be as quick as I can."

"No! No, take your time. Just be gentle. I don't want you to cut me by accident if you rush this."

"Slow and gentle. Yes, ma'am," Ranma chuckled. It was nice to get some payback for all the teasing he'd undergone earlier.

Ranma did take note of Kasumi's rapid breathing as he worked. It would not do to rush this. He finished then spread the washcloth over the hair covered towel before he pulled Kasumi back upright.

"Slow and gentle, as you requested. I hope milady approves of the result." He grinned at her.

She smiled back then launched herself into his lap. Her legs and arms enveloped him as she surprised him with a wet kiss on his open mouth.

**(Smooooch!)** "I most certainly do, good sir! And I look forward to a repeat treatment in three days time."

"Three days?"

"Or sooner... Why wait and risk getting chafed on stubble? Three days is definitely the longest I am willing to wait."

Suddenly, seeking payback didn't seem like a good idea.

"Now what are you going to do about this?"

"This?" Now he knew it wasn't a good idea.

"This." She pointed to her foam covered front. "You forgot to wipe off this foam. Now my skin is all tingly and slippery. You're going to have to just keep on wiping to get rid of all that lubrication…"

Seeking payback was definitely NOT a good idea… It was a brilliant one.

After kissing her deeply once more, Ranma reached for the shower hose. He turned the nozzle to its gentlest setting before opening the valve. He then aimed the warm spray at Kasumi as she leaned back to let the water run down her front. This was definitely getting to third base with a vengeance! All thoughts of mallets and other fiancées quickly left his mind.

He reached forward and started to wipe off the foam with his left hand. Kasumi took the showerhead from him and thus freed his right hand. He heard Kasumi start to moan as her hands started to wander and clutch at his hair and shoulders.

He kissed Kasumi deeply yet again, letting their tongues dance against one another. He transferred his arms below her thighs. He guided her reflex as it lifted her up and backward half an arm's length. He continued kissing her as he then moved forward and he lowered her… onto an empty lap.

Ranma's neck leaned back as Kasumi's head pressed forward into the kiss. He felt her firm, full breasts settle on top of his own set… _WTF?!_

Ranma-chan leaned back out of the kiss and opened her eyes. She looked with confusion into Kasumi's sad eyes. She felt the cold water from the showerhead running down her back. HER eyes… HER back…

"Why? I thought you wanted this."

"I do Ranma, very much. I just didn't want my first time or yours to be on a bathroom floor."

"Oh…"

"Don't be sad, Ranma. We will have that first time, just not here, just not now. We can still make out though."

"We can?"

"Of course we can. You still haven't checked to see if you left any stubble."

"Umm, Kasumi, from what I just felt I'm pretty sure that there's none of that stubble left over."

"Oh but I must insist that you take a closer look, Ranma," she grinned.

"Are you sure about that?" Ranma asked with an answering grin.

"Not really. But does it hurt to try?"

-----

Any further conversation was terminated as the door to the furoba slid open. Nabiki entered, naked as the day she was born…

"…still in there, Nabiki. Honestly, why do we even bother having an 'Occupied' sign at all when…"

…followed by Akane, who's face was wearing a scowl of annoyance directed at Nabiki.

Said scowl of annoyance was replaced with an expression of pole-axed shock as the youngest Tendo beheld her eldest sister and her erstwhile exclusive fiancée's naked forms sitting locked in an embrace on the bathroom floor. Said expression of pole-axed shock was in turn replaced with one of wistful resignation as Akane's glance took in the position of Kasumi on Ranma's lap. Her legs locked around the redhead's waist; and her arms trapping Ranma's arms against her torso..

_This is Kasumi. I will not hurt her. She is also a fiancée, she has the right. We agreed not to fight. This is Ranma. I will not kill the ba… will not hurt him. He is special to me. I will not drive him away._ She repeated this litany over and over as she struggled to control old instincts to pound the pervert for molesting her sister.

This control was assisted by the obvious way in which Kasumi was using leverage and her legs to keep Ranma's hands pinned between them. If anything it was becoming obvious that Kasumi was the one molesting Ranma.

"I see that the two of you have started without me," Nabiki mock-scolded.

"I'm sorry, Nabiki; but can you blame me?"

"Honestly? No. Now scoot over, sis. It's my turn to get to third base."

"Your turn?!"

"Of course, Akane. You remember the ground rules we set before dinner tonight: We are all at bat and can get to first base with Ranma anytime. We can steal second base whenever we're alone with him. But we can only get to third base when at least two of us are present, to prevent anybody from stealing home. If at least three of us are present, we can go all the way home if all the girls present get at least one home run from Ranma.

"Kasumi got to third base this afternoon. Auntie Nodoka approved and is sort of expecting it of me. With Kasumi here to keep us company I get to take three bases tonight. My turn."

"Unless… you'd like to be the third fiancée and help Nabiki and I initiate Ranma tonight, Akane? I'd really like to ride Mr. Horsie soon."

Akane responded in the only way she could: she stepped back into the hallway, closed the door, leaned against it, had a nosebleed and fainted.

-----

Ignorant of the fate of their youngest sister, the two Tendo girls looked at the closed door and shared one thought, _Pity._

Nabiki then made a shooing motion at Kasumi, who reluctantly relinquished her position on Ranma's lap. She eagerly took Kasumi's vacated seat and frowned at Ranma-chan's slackjawed expression.

"I think you broke her, sis."

"Oh my! Did I really?" Kasumi cooed as she knelt behind Ranma and wrapped her arms around the neo-girl. "All we did was shave each other and fool around a little."

"That sounds suspiciously like another run at third base to me, Kasumi. I expected you of all people to follow rules that you set yourself."

"Well I did ask Akane if she wanted to join us! Besides, can you really blame me? I've been aroused since this afternoon. After all, I didn't get to properly finish my scenes with Ranma earlier!"

**(Sigh)** "No I can't, Kasumi. Now what are we going to do about Sleeping Beauty here?"

"You do remember that she woke to a kiss, don't you, Nabiki?" Kasumi giggled.

-----

Ranma's brain was in lockdown mode. He was caught _in flagrante delecto_ by both Akane AND Nabiki, and in a VERY compromising position with Kasumi to boot. He was DEFINITELY going to die young, poor and virginal! He figured that if he stayed put, there was no way that Akane would mallet him without risking Kasumi. Nabiki's explanation of the way that dinner went earlier put him in shock.

He came back to his senses as he felt a tongue slip around his own and the pressure of full breasts on top oh his, er her own set.

_Kami, it was just a dream. I musta imagined Akane and Nabiki walkin' in on us. I'm still kissin' Kasumi… Why does she taste like coffee? If Kasumi's in my lap then who's rubbin' their tits in my back and sqeezin' mine from behind?_

All musing ended as Ranma felt one of the hands squeezing her breasts wander down to...

"EEEP!"

-----

Nabiki leaned back as she felt Ranma's exclamation echo in her own mouth.

"Welcome back, Saotome."

"Na-- Nabiki!"

"Now, now, Ranma. I'm sure that by the time we're finished you can start calling me, 'Biki-chan'. At least in private."

"It wasn't a dream? What you told Akane, I mean?"

"Didn't you explain it to him, Kasumi?"

"I was waiting for one of you to join us, Nabiki. I wasn't planning on being by ourselves in the furoba tonight. I figured on explaining it to him after he'd had a long soak in the furo."

"What changed your mind?"

"He needed a bath. I needed a shave. I was feeling horny and was owed a proper trip to third base." Kasumi shrugged. "Win-Win-Win in my opinion."

"And if Ranma wanted to steal home?"

"He did. So did I. I told him that I didn't want our first time to be on the furoba floor."

"Dammit, sis! What if I wanted my first time with Ranma tonight?"

"Since Akane opted not to join us, that's out unless you're willing to call Ukyo-chan or Shampoo-chan over, Nabiki. I still think that it's best to go slow and not rush into this. We're all new to this sort of thing."

"Kasumi… What's going on here?"

"What's going on, Ranma, is that we're going to help Nabiki clean herself up. Then we're all going to take a nice hot soak in the furo while we discuss how we, your fiancées, decided to peacefully settle our differences and give you a free hand on whom, if anyone, you'll marry."

"Hey. What about me getting to third base with Ranma?!"

"That's a given, Nabiki. Right, Ranma?" Kasumi asked.

Kasumi rose and squatted behind Nabiki. She then turned on the water and directed it over Nabiki and Ranma-chan.

"You take care of her front, Ranma. I've got her back."

**End Part I.**

-----

**Author's Notes:** The Filipino dish incidentally, is called _kinilaw na talaba_ which translates to raw oysters pickled in vinegar. My native tongue is a very descriptive language. Give it a try sometime. Just remember it's prepared only an hour before serving and keeps for at most 1 day in the fridge. Beats mustard and horseradish any day IMO.

Georgina Spelvin, the actress who played Juliet Jones in Gerard Damiano's original movie, was first hired as a cook before being offered the lead. This is yet one more instance where I felt that Kasumi best suited this fanfiction adaptation.

**--oO0Oo--**

**Interlude 2:**

"Ronichiro, is Nabiki-chan still here?"

"No, Kimiko, you just missed her. She's on her way home now. Is anything the matter?"

"I hope not…"

"What's bothering you, Kimiko? I can tell that you're worried about something."

**(Sigh)** "You know me too well. I just received a call from one of our investors in New York. She'll be flying over for a meeting next week and would like to see what 'progress' we've made…"

"What?! We've only just started principal shooting. We're not due to start actual animation work unti post-production starts ten days from now!"

"I tried to explain that to her, but she insisted on coming over anyway."

"Typical gaijin arrogance…"

"She DID mention that she had lined up additional funding. Enough to complete all five movies; even enough for an additional two movies… IF she likes what she sees next week."

"Wonderful American work ethic… So in touch with our own!

"What are you waiting for? I can have Cologne-san and Kasumisan's scene ready by Monday. Tell Nabiki-san to help Kasumi-san take care of Ranma-san's hang up by Monday afternoon. We'll shoot his sex scenes with Kasumi-san then."

"But I thought you planned to spend tomorrow with Haruko?"

"He'll understand; there will be other Sundays to spend together.

"Now, fire-up the espresso machine! I've got the next thirty-six hours to rotoscope as much of the Lonkuh-sama and Ran-sensei scenes as I can. And you've got a script to re-write!"

-----

**Discarded Scene Omake 5:**

"I'm curious though, sis. When did you stop calling him 'Ranma-kun' and just 'Ranma'?"

"Why ever since we got to 'third base', Nabiki," Kasumi answered with a bright smile. "After all, it would be hypocritical for iinazuke to address each other so formally after becoming so intimate."

"And just what you mean by 'iinazuke', sister mine?" Nabiki asked in a very frosty voice.

"I mean, dear sister," Kasumi replied in an equally frosty tone, "that since dear Akane failed to fulfill the Tendo-Saotome pact the other week, it has fallen to one of us to marry Ranma."

Ranma boggled and started to sweat drop.

"I agree, onee-san. But since when did the engagement fall to YOU?"

"Ever since Ranma not only got to third base with me, but also admitted he wanted me, Nabiki."

"..."

"Besides, you already had your chance."

"B-- But that's not fair! Ranma didn't know what we were planning. He didn't know he could get to choose from between us! Besides, I got to suck on him before you did!"

"If he didn't know he had the choice then that makes his declaration all the more honest, ne? And so what if you blew him first? I was the first to make him come! You snooze, you lose, Nabiki."

"There is only one way to settle this, Kasumi," Nabiki declared as she invaded Kasumi's personal space.

"Oh, and what is that, little-biki?" Kasumi smirked as she leaned forward in turn.

"Girls, please!" Ranma cried as he tried to separate them.

Kasumi and Nabiki stared at each other, nodded, turned, knelt, reached out, yanked Ranma's pants down and declared, "We let Ranma decide!"

---

**And-the-winner-is… Omake:**

Ranma groaned as he finished.

Kasumi withdrew, licked her lips and wiped her chin. She looked at Kimiko and Ronichiro who held up signs reading '9.8' and '9.9', grinned at Nabiki and said, "Now THAT'S how you deep throat."

"I can't believe you did that, Kasumi," Ranma croaked.

"I can't believe I lost to Kasumi... again!" Nabiki cried. She pushed Kasumi aside as she knelt back in front of Ranma. "Let's make it best three out of five!"

"You're on!" Kasumi retorted.

"Kami, where's that tomboy when I need her?" Ranma wondered.

-----

**I-DID-say-that-I-was-a-bastard Omake:**

Ranma groaned as he finished.

Kasumi withdrew, licked her lips and wiped her chin. She looked at Kimiko and Ronichiro who held up signs reading '5.5' and '4.5'.

"What!? That was good sucking! How could you give such low scores?"

"You were slobbering too much, child," Cologne explained as she pogoed over. "Now step aside and let a REAL expert show you two how it's done!"

-----

**Author's Notes:** The preceding Omake was taken from the closing scene of Chapter 3. It was presented as an alternate direction for this story in a discussion on whether or not to just write a PWP story. As you can see, I've decided to try to write-in a credible back story instead of just outright smut. The smut is there, just not on the FFN version. I'll be porting this story over to MediaMiner and FicWad, once I get the formatting whipped into shape.

You might also notice that this is only Part I of Chapter 4 instead of the entire chapter. At over 13,000 words (in the full version) this is already the longest chapter I've ever written; and the Ranma's day still isn't over. This part has mainly dealt with Kasumi's character. Part II shall deal with Nabiki. Portions of the story in parts 1 & 2 of this chapter will contain some of the ideas I explored in 'Sexy Moms, Horny Losers'; another story I started on while in the middle of this chapter. I'd like to reassure those who story alerted these 2 stories that I have not abandoned them. Portions of the next 2 chapters and a side-story for tDiMT and the next chapter of SMHL have been written (some of them have even been previewed). I've just been busy reading other people's stories.

Finally, I'd like to thank my fellow perverts at TFF for encouraging me to write this story. Thanks especially go out to **Lufio**,** blue7zone**,** GenocideHeart**, **Scygnus Darkhawk**, **PCHeintz72**, **Prince Charon**, **David Alan Abramczyk**,** toraneko**, **AyanamiRei2 **and** rootathell** for participating in the threadjack that hammered out the American 1st, 2nd, 3rd base, homerun and Japanese Step A-B-C make-out metaphors mentioned here and in Chapter 3.

-----

Please review.

**--oO0Oo--**


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